TRAILS UP NORTH

Glo Abaeo Tuazon

Broken women in the highlands

“Law and order were made for women. They are hedged around by protection. But out in the wilderness they are only as safe as men will let them be.” -- Louis L’Amour (in Mustang man.)
Women are one of the most delicate creatures God has ever created. Like flowers, they are the most beautiful to ever exist in this whole wide world. If I had my say, I would describe a woman like I would a blue rose.

Strange sometimes, different in most ways, yet lovely in a most unappreciated way. And I always thought if God made women special, what right do men (no matter if it was the father, the husband, the brother, a friend or a stranger) have to hurt these vulnerable creatures who are their equal? Creatures that think, hurt, laugh, grieve, rejoice, crave, give, reach out, want and need too.

Weren’t women made to be partners to men? To complement and compliment each other? To ensure one’s happiness the best way they can no matter the difficulty of a given situation? It is sad. Sad to think that in these difficult times, women are finding themselves in a more difficult situation too. Like a tightening grip on the throat and yet they could only scream silently in fear. Cower and grope in the dark, hoping for daylight to shine on them. Like being a woman is a liability, a sin stinking from a tumble of other sins.

It is no different here in the highlands than it is in some more modern city in the country, women no matter what age or status, feel the strain of gender vulnerability. It was like nine years ago when I met a little girl of five. A tiny little cupcake huddled in a stark white chair in a psychiatrist’s desk. They called me in to get her to talk and I almost bawled at the sight of her, my guts wrenching and ready to spill out my lunch.

She was molested. Left one day to an uncle who was supposed to babysit her for the day, innocent and ever trusting. Shattered like an egg squished in his hands, Erica’s* world was compromised. How would one ever comprehend a most cruel situation like this? Do we close our eyes and pretend it never happened? Or just let it go because it didn’t happen to us? It still bothers me to this day. I thought I’m tough for things like this, but Erica was just a baby.

What evil mind could ever perceive of such monstrosity? By now she’d be fourteen or fifteen. In an age where life was suppose to be good and a girl starting to discover the beauty of being what she is in the company of the opposite sex. How could one then bridge the gap in Erica’s life? Can the life of her uncle on death row (or the thousands just like him) be able to make up for the lost lives of those they once hurt to eternal torture and fear? We are not gods to judge the hearts of people, but with good and sane minds these cases are beyond comprehension.
***
Daphne was a young woman, sweet and rather new to the city, having come from the province. In careless abandon, she gave up her innocence to what she thought was love. Two months into her pregnancy she just woke up one day to find the boy who promised her the moon and the sun was a walk-away Joe.

Without a way out of the situation, she took to swallowing pills in a vain attempt to get rid of the baby. But the baby had a will of her own and clung on to dear life. In no time and only seventeen, Daphne was a mom. And so she had to accept, the way her parents accepted her inspite of the “shame” she brought into the family.

Two years passed and she met him again. Looking at his own flesh and blood was like looking back at himself, remorseful at the idea that this was indeed his own. Luring the child he took her with him to their family home, claiming the mother was inutile to her supposed role as a mother. Daphne suffered two months of separation from her daughter before finally having the guts to go seek out the child. The same way the man “kidnapped” the child was the same way she did it back, and run like wind back to Baguio City where her family waited for them at the bus station.
***
Marriage they say is the highest sanctification the union of a man and a woman can have. To the lucky ones it is. To some others, they just stare and look away after awhile. Looking back at my parents, the only thing that separated them was death. My Dad died early on. Yet recently before my Mom followed him to eternity, she was constantly talking of the memories they have had. Mama was one of the lucky women.

I have friends and acquaintances suffering or have suffered in the course of their marriage life. I often burst into rage when I see my lady friends bruised or shattered. Men are biologically stronger than women. Often enough in some relationship squabbles it end up in beatings. How much beating can a woman’s body take?

The frequency of such situations elevating to intolerable counts. The body can only take so much, yet when the soul and spirit is broken, it dies a slow painful death. The body may survive, but what good is life with a dead spirit?

In the Cordillera where we thought traditionalism and integrity counts more than women rights, a lot of cases abound unreported. Of the six provinces covered the number of abuses are rising covering the cases of rape and incest, prostitution, physical maltreatment and battery, of neglected and abandoned women and children. The Department of Social Welfare and Development holds a record of the reported cases. But what of the unreported?
***
Getting into the thoughts of women who experienced trouble of the same densities made me realize that even in our somewhat conservative region, the rampant occurrence of these cases are shocking. To include young girls and even babes are mentally distressing too. One real woman speaks for a group.

Patti often goes on speaking engagements to make others, men and women alike, be aware of the problems and situations. And to do so, “One must understand that any kind of violence against women (VAW) and girls is an exercise in power of males over females and is rooted in gender inequality arising from the social system called patriarchy that has institutionalized male dominance over women and children in the family and in the society.

In exerting power and control over a woman, a man abuses her (and violates her rights) when he, consciously or unconsciously use coercion or threats, use intimidation, use emotional abuse or isolation, use children, use male privilege or use economic abuse on her. And that there are also so many different kinds of abuse that he can assert to assert power or control over his partner, Physical, sexual, psychological, mental and legal abuse.”

“Battered women are victims. They should never be blamed nor reprimanded for being in an abusive relationship. They should be treated with the highest respect and given all the support and encouragement available at all times. People should understand that battered women are not third-class citizens who should accept without question and be utterly grateful for any help, however miserly, that is given to them.”

The violence is real. We all really have to do our share to stop domestic and intimate-relationship violence because only then will the real essence of human and women’s rights be understood and appreciated by all. ---- Patricia Anne Gallardo, President and Founder, Stop the Abuse and Violence against Our Women (Save our women), Inc.

These words and these situations are happening. We may not be able to stop it entirely, but we can help ease the pains of those who have suffered and are still suffering from abuse. Never mind integrity and shame if we are to save lives. Some women and girls (children in general) have suffered enough, some died because we never cared enough to help.

Please call the authorities when you know or see situations like these. In the name of humanity and this word we call modernity, let women have the same respect and freedom that men have. In the name of love, let peace reign. In the name of our grandmothers and mothers and wives and sisters and daughters and girlfriends, let this be something to wake us all... till we cry no more. -- Email: twilight_glo@yahoo.com