Kiss of death

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

SAN FERNANDO CITY, Pampanga -- After President Gloria Arroyo “anointed” Veep Noli De Castro as her PaLaKa’s standard bearer, Noli viewed it as a “kiss of death” and decided not to run for president.

Then presidential wannabe Manny Villar offered Noli to be his vice presidential running mate and Noli said “No” as well. My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec heard an inside story that the reason Noli did not accept Manny’s offer was because he viewed Manny’s offer as a “kiss of doom.” Which is worse, death or doom? It’s no wonder that he’s considering going back to broadcasting where all he has to do is read the teleprompter and smile.

Noli’s departure was a plus for Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro who had been asking Gloria to give him a “kiss” for sometime now. Finally, after getting Gloria’s belated “kiss of death,” Gibo said that Gloria’s anointment is not really a “kiss of death” but a way to Nirvana.

Hmmm… If I remember it correctly, you have to die first before you can go to Nirvana. Does Gibo know that? Gibo said that he “would make use of the achievements of her administration in pushing his platform of governance.” Now, that is really scary!!! After nine years of corrupt government we’re going to elect someone who would do exactly like she did? Heaven forbid!

Gibo should be admired for his optimism, though. In reaction to his low ratings in recent political surveys, he said, “It’s grim, but it’s not the grim reaper yet.” A news report says that a new survey showed his ratings starting to rise. Well, from .02%, Gibo should be able to catch up with his cousin Noynoy’s 50% by 2016.

Meanwhile, Ilocos Norte Rep. Ferdinand "Bongbong" Marcos Jr. urged Gibo to distance himself from President Arroyo to ensure his victory in 2010. Bongbong, son of the late strongman Ferdinand Marcos, said Gloria’s would be the "kiss of death" for Teodoro's candidacy. Too late, Gloria already smacked Gibo with her deadly kiss.

With the “kiss of death” mania dominating the political landscape, I asked James to report other incidences of the deadly kiss. He said that Bayani Fernando is afflicted with a mutant “kiss of death” which made him hallucinate that he’s the best candidate for president. Okay, okay! He’s the best, but can he win?

Another victim is Erap Estrada. This is time it’s Sen. Ping Lacson’s “kiss of death,” whose privilege speech in the Senate linking Erap to the Dacer-Corbito double murders a decade ago is causing a tsunami in the political landscape. Bongbong Marcos abandoned him and went to Villar’s camp hoping he’ll be on Manny’s senatorial slate. Makati Mayor Jejomar Binay abandoned him and he now wants to be Villar’s vice presidential running mate.

But here is the stinger: The word is that Villar is considering the “master of all clowns,” Willie Revillame of Wowowee fame, for his running mate. Wow! Could you imagine if Manny and Willie win? They’d be known as the Re-Villar-me Duet and would turn Manila into the circus capital of the world. Ka wawa we!

But Willie said he’s not sure if he’d run because he’s scared. When asked why, he said, “I am afraid that I will win.” Boom tarat tarat! Villar must be on cloud nine right now. Yesterday, Sen. Nene Pimentel endorsed him saying: “If he wins the presidency, he will not be indebted to wealthy families who usually fund the campaigns of other presidential candidates.” Villar will be funding his campaign with his own money, so he’ll be indebted to himself, right? So far he’s spent P500 million already and the campaign has yet to begin! Does that mean he’ll repay himself if he wins? Hmmm…

Chiz Escudero might drop out from the presidential derby because of the rumor that he is Gloria’s “secret candidate,” which if true would be a “kiss of death.” Chiz is now believed to be considering running for vice president, probably under Manny Villar or… even Gibo. Why not? He knows that he can’t beat Noynoy Aquino for “Numero Uno” but has a very good chance of winning for “Numero Dos.” Well, that’s better than going into limbo.

News Item: “TV host-actress Kris Aquino has sold her and James Yap's house in Valle Verde with the entire proceeds going to her brother, Sen. Noynoy Aquino’s campaign kitty.” Well, she can rent an apartment for now until she moves to Malacañang Palace on July 1, 2010 when she becomes First Sister.

Gloria’s cabinet members have started jumping from Gloria’s sinking ship. First Foreign Secretary Albert Romulo’s endorsement of Noynoy. And next was Cabinet Secretary Silvestre Bello III who announced in radio interview, “my sentiments are for Noynoy.” Rumor has it that a lot of Gloria’s cabinet members would soon come out openly for Noynoy. Okay, folks, it’s “balimbing season” once again. Noynoy’s bandwagon is filling up pretty fast. I wonder how many of those “balimbings” would apply for cabinet positions in the Aquino administration? So far, there is Romulo and Bello. There’s plenty of room folks. Get on board! But pleeeeze no generals.

News Item: “Sharon Cuneta Declares Support for Noynoy-Mar Ticket.” At the rate celebrities are jumping into the Noynoy-Mar bandwagon, Manny Pacquiao might be the only celeb left to support Gibo. With Pacquaio going to earn P1 billion from his forthcoming fight with Miguel Cotto on November 14, Pacquiao might just buy himself a congressional seat in Mindanao.

Gloria has to be very careful with Pacquiao’s “star power.” With the possibility of both of them running for Congress next year, and assuming both of them would win, Pacquiao could easily beat Gloria for the position of Prime Minister if Gloria succeeded in changing the constitution to a parliamentary system next year. Gloria shouldn’t be misled by Pacquiao’s innocent grin -- they didn’t call him “Pacman” for nothing. “Prime Minister Dr. Manny Pacquiao” has a nice ring to it. I’m sure that Jinky Pacquiao would be tickled pink to become First Lady. (PerryDiaz@gmail. com)