Pacquiao’s talk with God

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

Manny Pacquiao’s revelation that he had a talk with God has created an international sensation among cultists. In a rare interview, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported his conversation with Manny.

James: Manny, is it really true that you had a talk with God as reported in the news? As you know, the only other person who claimed to have talked with God was President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo.
Manny: Bah! Gloria is a phony balloon.
James: Huh? Phony balloon? Oh, you mean “phoney baloney”?
Manny: Same thing. I’m the only one who can talk to God! He told me that Himself.
James: You’re pulling my legs, Manny. Prove to me that you really talked with God.
Manny: What? Pull your legs? What do you think I am, a quack doctor? Listen, it was on my birthday seven years ago when God appeared in my dream. He told me to go to Mt. Pinatubo and that He’ll give me the real 10 Commandments. He said it’s about time that His true commandments are revealed.
James: And? Did you go to Mt. Pinatubo?
Manny: Are you crazy! What if Mt. Pinatubo would erupt again!
James: Well, are you afraid that it will erupt while you’re up there?
Manny: Of course, I’m afraid. Look at what happened to Moses! He went up there and he was struck by a lightning and grew into a very old man.
James: That was Mt. Sinai, not Mt. Pinatubo.
Manny: Same thing. They’re both mountains.
James: So what did you do then?
Manny: Nothing. But God appeared again in my dreams three years ago. He told me that He’s disappointed that I didn’t show up at Mt. Pinatubo. But to prove that He loves me, He’s going to make me world champion seven times in seven weight classes. He also told me to run for political office next year. He said that I’ll win. He then told me to run for Speaker of the House. He warned me that Gloria will be my rival for the Speakership but not to worry because I’ll win over her.
James: Omigosh! Speaker of the House? That’s exciting! Did he tell you more?
Manny: He he he… Yep, He told me that after I become Speaker I should work to amend the constitution to change the form of government to a paramilitary system.
James: What? Paramilitary system? Or do you mean “parliamentary system”?
Manny: Same thing. He then said that once the constitution is amended, I should run for Prime Minister. He said that as Prime Minister I can transform the Philippines from a Third Class country straight to a First Class country, bypassing Second Class country. Wouldn’t that be great?
James: Manny, Manny, listen to me. You got it all wrong. What God probably meant was “from a Third World country to First World country.”
Manny: Same thing. He also told me that I’ll be “masaya” and the Philippines will become an “Enchanted Kingdom” in 20 years.
James: “Masaya” means “happy.” Is that what he really told you? Oh, I get it! He meant “Messiah,”the people’s savior, right?
Manny: That’s it! That’s it! “Mesaya,” the people’s sav… whatever.
James: Manny, you’ve been dreaming! These were the same things that Gloria had been telling the people for the past several years. Are you sure, it was God you’ve been talking to and not Gloria?
Manny: Well, I didn’t really see God. I only heard His voice. He has a man’s voice so it can’t be Gloria.
James: Manny, have you heard Gloria speak, right? She has a man’s voice! If you closed your eyes, you’d think that you’re listening from a man.
Manny: Hmmm… Gee, I think you’re right, James. Gloria does sound like a man when she talks.
James: You know what, Manny? What actually happened was that Gloria revealed to you her “master plan” on how to perpetuate herself in power beyond 2010! And you thought you were talking to God, huh? Ha ha ha…
Manny: I think you’re right, James. Now, I’m really mad, I’m going to urinate!
James: You mean you’re pissed off.
Manny: Same thing. I’ll campaign very hard to win a congressional seat next year and then I’ll compete with Gloria for the Speakership of the House. And I promise the Filipino people, I’ll beat her like I beat Morales, De La Hoya, Hatton, and Cotto. I’ll be the “Mesaya” and I’ll transform the Philippines into an “Enchanted Kingdom” within two years! Then I’ll crown myself as “Emperor Emmanuel the Greatest.” It will be the beginning of the Pacquiao dynasty which will rule the Philippines for two thousand years.
James: Omigosh! God save the Philippines!