Divorce, P-Noy Style

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

Imagine, President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III favoring “legal separation” that would allow couples to remarry without getting a divorce? Now, that’s pretty bold and I must say, revolutionary… or revisionist?

He said that he is opposed to Las Vegas-type divorce and would rather see estranged — or legally separated — couples re-marry without getting a divorce. Well, it seems Noynoy has just introduced a new form of “divorce” — divorce P-Noy style. And now the Catholic bishops are on the warpath! It’s going to be a “holy war” and they’ll see to it that “heretics” will burn at the stake.

The problem is complicated because “legal separation” is a civil matter and, like divorce, it is not recognized by the Catholic Church. What the Church recognizes is annulment which is granted by the Church on the premise that the marriage has never been consummated. Hehehe…. And unlike some other countries, there is no “civil annulment” in Pinas. Only the Catholic Church can grant annulment since marriages in Pinas were made in Heaven. Well, I know of a few couples with children who were granted annulments. Does that mean that the births of their kids was virgin? Hahaha…

Noynoy’s younger sister Kris Aquino claimed that her marriage to James Yap was invalid — a sham. But James said that their marriage was performed in “good faith,” and not just once, but twice! James’ lawyer said, “You can make a mistake once but in this situation there was a second time. So to say that it was orchestrated by James is not correct. The parties were really in good faith.” Now that’s double whammy for James cuz there might be a bishop out there who’d consider their first marriage valid and the second a bigamy. James should really be careful if he is going to divorce Kris, P-Noy-style, and marry another woman. The Church could really come down on him for polygamy.

The Philippines is one of only three countries that do not recognize divorce. The other two are the Vatican and Malta. Well, of course there couldn’t be any divorce in the Vatican because all the citizens are celibate — no wives, no kids. That’s not fun. And who cares about Malta? People there don’t get married anymore, they just have fun.

To understand the “politics of marriage” in the Philippines, one has to understand the economics of it too.

The cost of annulment in Pinas is about P500,000. That’s a lot of moolah! It’s so prohibitive that only the filthy rich could afford it. So if divorce — which would be a lot cheaper — is legalized, the Church is going to lose a lot of revenue. The cost of P-Noy style divorce is a lot cheaper — zero.

But before P-Noy style divorce is allowed, what most men who are separated from their wives would do is to live with a common-law wife or two… heck, as many as they want as long as they have the money. There’s no law against it. But that would be adultery in the eyes of God. But if the bishops on the ground couldn’t care less, who cares? Well, the estranged wives do care cuz they’re the ones left with the kids.

With no alimony and child support from the deadbeat dads, how are they going to make ends meet? And they can’t re-marry cuz that’s taboo in Pinas. So, if they end up co-habiting with men, they’re called “querida” or “kabit.” The only time they can re-marry is when their husbands die. Now, would you be surprised if a lot of these men die mysteriously? And the widows are required to mourn for three years. Only in Pinas!
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News story of the week: “Kris’ Latest Crisis.” “Their families may be on the opposite sides of the political divide, but do you realize Liza Araneta-Marcos now has the goods on Kris Aquino, a trump card that the Marcoses could eventually trade off with P. Noy should the need arise?

“Lam, as the wife of Senator Ferdinand Marcos Jr. is called in her law office, happens to be the managing principal of the MOST law firm that the troubled actress has retained to wash basketball player James Yap right out of her hair.

“The showbiz queen, as you may have already read, has claimed that her five-year marriage with the peasant from Escalante, Negros Occidental had all along been a sham. Kris even went as far as to claim that the ‘minister’ to whom the star-crossed lowers vowed to love, obey, honor till death do them part was all along not authorized to solemnize marriage.” (End)

If I remember it right, P-Noy announced after his inauguration that he has reconciled with the Marcoses. I wonder if P-Noy’s newly minted Executive Secretary — the “Little President” — Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa Jr. had anything to do with the reconciliation? You see, Jojo was a law partner of Liza Araneta-Marcos for 15 years. Get my drift?

Indeed, being the “Little President” is no puny job. Jojo’s got both ears of P-Noy. The only person who wields more power than Jojo is the “First Lady” for which there is none… yet. There is a “First Lady-in-waiting” but that’s just what it is — waiting, waiting, waiting… But wait a minute, there exists four lovely ladies — called the “Four Witches” by envious and hungry wanna-be influence peddlers — who protect P-Noy with their magic wands.
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The bloody mess that resulted from the hostage-taking at the Luneta in front of the Quirino Grandstand brought out Pinoy-style jokes that usually mushroom in sad situations. Yup, Pinoys have a penchant of making “dyoks” out of bad things. The following are some that have been posted in the Internet:

The Manila Police which was once called “Manila’s Finest” is now “Manila’s Funniest” and the “Philippines’ Worst.”

SWAT (Special Weapons and Tactics) now means any of the following:
1. Sugod, Wait, Atras, Tago (Attack, Wait, Retreat, Hide)
2. Sorry We Aren’t Trained.
Manila cops are trained for hostess-taking, not hostage-taking.
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News Item: “Supreme Court reverses self again, thumbs down 16 new cities.” If the Supreme Court keeps on reversing its previous decisions, it could become the “Reversible Court.” That’s bad enough; however, it could get worse and become the “Submersible Court,” that is, submerged in murky decisions like legitimizing the “midnight appointment” of the chief justice.

Yup, legitimizing an illegitimate appointment makes it legitimate. Only in the Philippines.
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)