Fake snow

BEHIND THE SCENES
Alfred P. Dizon

BAGUIO CITY – “Chestnuts roasting o’er an open fire, Jack Frost singing on the snow … and we may sing, many times, many ways, Merry Christmas to you.”

This song should have blared from speakers mounted on trees along Session Road here as the fake snow unleashed on the gullible throngs of people fell down to complete a “stateside” setting some nights ago.

But then, even if this were so, this classic song wouldn’t have created the right ambience as the flying particles didn’t look like snow at all, but bubbles made out of soap and water which kids concoct and squirt from plastic tubes.
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The pautot dubbed, “Session Road in Snow,” one of the most anticipated shows this city ever had, turned out to be a dud, according to pundits. But to organizers, it was a success. Observers said there was no crowd control measure resulting to mayhem. There were at least two policemen feigning innocence near the area where artists sell hand-painted T-shirts, while cell phone snatchers feverishly plied their trade

At least 20 people were reported to have fainted and collapsed due to thinning air as a result of carbon dioxide, sticky sweat or other body wastes released by jampacked onlookers along the road.

Blame it on colonial mentality, a militant woman friend said, considering that many visitors from the lowlands, as far as Manila came up to see the “snow.”
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A visibly sweating councilor Elmer Datuin would say later on TV that despite the barbs, the event was actually a success considering that only around half a million pesos was spent by the city government to “rent” the “show-making machine,” The influx of people, he added, boosted business.

I guess, instead of writing this weekly column, I should instead buy a snow machine and rent it out to local government units of towns or cities in the hot lowlands and make a killing. I’ll tell them they could tell their constituents the “snow” could actually make them feel cold – with the right mindset.
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With half a million pesos profit per show, I guess I can go later to any country with four seasons and savor the genuine snow there. No sweat. Ahh, those homely, rustic houses nestled amid panoramic mountains in Austria are of particular interest. Maybe, some friends from there I met in Sagada years ago could offer some coffee and spirits in a cozy cottage with a warm fireplace.

But first, how much would a snow-making machine cost? Since I don’t have the money for the expensive contraption, maybe, I could convince some government officials for build-operate-transfer schemes so they could initially fund its down payment. After the snow shows, I would have earned the payment for the churner. Yeah, Austria, here I come.
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This is my secret. I just hope that no government official, politician or the fair-haired boys of an electric cooperative would beat me ahead in implementing the plan. I have to see Elmer as soon as I can to know the contact number of the manufacturer. As a top Chinese businessman in the city always says, the element of time, planning, logistics and surprise is a must in any business venture.

You see, Elmer, who headed the show, said the chemical composition of the ”snow” was harmless as it was actually edible. That, I can use in my sales pitch. Psst. Nobody tell this to anyone in the meantime. If this business venture will succeed, among other worthwhile projects, I pledge to donate some of my profits to the Ramon Catholic Church to buy condoms in its mission against AIDS.