Perry Diaz
In an interview with ANC News, President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III said that he might pardon ex-prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo if she showed remorse for the anomalies and scandals that had hounded her nine years in power. Yep, P-Noy told Gloria, “No remorse, no pardon!”
After seeing P-Noy’s interview on her TV in her detention suite at the Veteran Memorial Medical Center, Gloria went to work and wrote her New Year’s Resolution.
My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec through his connections with Gloria’s jailers got a copy of Gloria’s 2012 New Year’s Resolution and sent it to Global Balita.
First of all, I would like to thank President Aquino for offering to pardon me provided that I showed remorse for the anomalies and scandals during my presidency. I am glad that P-Noy is keeping up with the tradition that I established when I pardoned former President Erap Estrada after he was convicted of plunder in 2007. I did it then out of my Christian upbringing, “To err is human; to forgive is divine.” I have always felt that my ascension to the presidency was a divine providence; thus, it was just natural for me to forgive those who erred.
But what bothers me is that P-Noy offered to pardon me even before I was convicted of bogus charges of election sabotage in 2007! How could I have sabotaged the elections in 2007 when I was not even a candidate? P-Noy claimed that I cheated because all the 12 candidates on the administration slate won in Maguindanao. Well, there’s only one explanation why all my candidates won – it’s because of divine providence! There is no other reason. I did not err.
However, in the spirit of Christmas, I have decided to demonstrate that I’m still a human being prone to making mistakes just like anybody else. In the nine and a half years that I was President, I made a lot of grave mistakes, to wit:
1. I regret ousting Erap from the presidency in 2001. As his Vice President, I should have helped him succeed instead of plotting to remove him from office.
2. I regret appointing Leila de Lima as Chairperson of the Commission on Human Rights. Had I known that she would bite me like a pit bull, I would have sent her to Tawi-tawi instead.
3. I regret appointing Jun Lozada as technical consultant on the national broadband project. He turned out to be a whistleblower and exposed all the anomalies involving the NBN-ZTE project. Now, he’s going to testify against me in court.
4. I regret not declaring martial law when I had a chance. If I did that I would still be in power and enjoying life in the Enchanted Kingdom. Now, my life is confined to a hospital suite with no kitchen, no telephone, no computer, and I am not even allowed to use a mobile phone.
5. I regret not cheating P-Noy of the presidency in 2010 by fixing the Smartmartic automated election system. Mike promised me that if we did not cheat P-Noy, he would not prosecute us for graft and corruption. Mike was wrong!
6. I regret coming back from my trips to Spain and Switzerland. If I did not return, I would have been free as a bird in Portugal where there is no extradition treaty with the Philippines.
With my friend Merci Gutierrez impeached and resigned as Ombudsman and my protector Chief Justice Renato Corona impeached and may soon be convicted in a Senate impeachment trial, I have come to terms with my fate.
With this silly gadget wrapped around my head and neck, I don’t have any options left except to put myself at the mercy of P-Noy. Yes, Mr. President, I am sorry for all the anomalies and scandals during my presidency. I was weak and indecisive and I allowed my husband Mike to the run the government the way he wanted it and did all those shenanigans. I tried to stop him but he became too powerful to be stopped. If there is one person who should go to jail, it’s Mike.
I hope that P-Noy would pardon me. In good faith, I resolve to do the following:
A. I will resign as Representative of Pampanga’s Second District.
B. I will not get involved in politics for the rest of my life.
C. I will ask Susan Roces for her forgiveness for cheating her husband Fernando Poe Jr. of the presidency in 2004.
And since P-Noy only asked me to show remorse, I will keep the money I earned during my presidency. God is my witness, Gloria
No comments:
Post a Comment