The Power of a parent’s influence

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Jun Malazo

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  (Ephesians 6:4, KJV)

If you are a parent, your influence matters.  Our influence as parents can be both positive and negative.  Our influence matters because it is what our children will carry with them into adulthood.  Our influence in parenting is what our children will most likely imitate in parenting their own children. 

Our influence is more than just from our DNA makeup, though some of our personality traits are replicated in our children.  Our influence is our everyday moment-by-moment training of our children.  It is what our children read through our actions, attitudes, and words.  Much of what we see in children today, whether positive or negative traits, is a direct result of the influence (or the lack thereof) from their parents.  Polls in the recent years indicate that most of the people in jail today grew up without the influence of one or more parents.  When children grow up with a negative or no influence at all the results are devastating.

According to the verse above, parents (especially fathers) are to “nurture” their children.  The word nurture in this verse essentially means “education, training, or disciplinary correction.”  The verse also mentions the word admonition which means “rebuke or warning.”  As a parent our responsibility toward our children is more than just providing a roof over their heads and food on the table.  Our main responsibility is to shape their character by constant guidance through training and instruction coupled with loving disciplinary correction. 

It is not an easy task, but it is possible.  This requires active involvement in the lives of our children.  There’s a difference between proactive parenting and passive parenting.  A proactive parent is the one that will show genuine interest in the life of their child.  This is the type of parent that will take the time to listen to the struggles and pressures that their children are facing at school or with their friends.  The proactive parent will take initiative to engage their children in open and honest conversation. 

To be honest, every parent struggles with the demands of time for work and family.  It is often difficult to find a good balance, but God commands us as parents to invest in our children which includes spending time with them.  My wife keeps a wooden display in her kitchen to remind her of this truth.  The message on the display reads, “The Best Thing To Spend On Children Is TIME.”  Children demand our love and attention, and this is accomplished only through the investment of time. 

On the other hand, a passive parent is one that shows little or no interest in the lives of their children.  There are plenty of distractions in the world that threaten to keep parents from spending time with their children.  Dr. Paul Chappell explains one of the serious consequences of passive parenting.  He explains:

“If you brush off their request for your time and attention when they’re small…they will not only develop resentment toward your instruction, but they will learn to live without your input.  When they are teens, you’ll want more than anything for them to open up and talk to you.  But they may not know how.

Your children are a gift from God; make time for them.  And I’m not talking about spending time watching television together—but actually living together.  Have family dinner.  Ask about their day…Work on a project.  Interface in one another’s lives.”  (page 12, Making Home Work.)

When it comes to influencing children, parents’ actions are important.  Children do what children see.  In my town, drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes among young people are a real issue.  I am not aware of any programs in my town that address this issue, however I do know that it is a real issue.  Most of the young people that I’ve been able to counsel have struggled with this issue at some point in their lives starting as early as their pre-teen years. 

I am aware that there are several factors that are at play with this issue.  The influence of the media is a major contributor to the issue, however, I believe that the biggest cause of teen  alcoholism and other vices is because of what they see at home.  This issue is a generational problem because children tend to emulate their parents’ actions.

Godly parental influence is much needed in our society today.  One of the reasons for this is that there are truly sinister influences in the world that are doing their best to captivate the hearts of our children.  This makes parenting in the 21st century is even tougher than in the previous generations.  The sin is the same no matter what generation we live in, and as Solomon wisely said, “…there is no new thing  under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 1:9).  However, today’s parents combat the influence of the media. 

The media is the window to the world’s philosophies and enticements.  No parent in their right state of mind would ever allow an intruder to freely come in their homes to harm their children.  Yet, the television and personal devices are allowed to have constant access to infiltrate the minds of our children.  Just as we would secure our homes from unwanted visitors by putting bars on the windows, locking all the doors at night time, or installing security cameras in our homes, we must proactively watch over our children. 

Dr. Paul Chappell continues to say:

“You don’t have the opportunity to influence your child in a vacuum.  Not only are you working to shepherd their heart in personal maturity and spiritual growth, but at the same time, you’re having to ward off dangerous influences.  This calls for a level of intentionality in our influence.” (page 46, Making Home Work)

The type of parent you are will determine how your children will turn out.   There is no such thing as a perfect parent.  We have all made our share of mistakes, but do not let your past stop you from being the parent that you need to be.  As parents we need to protect one of the greatest gifts of God to mankind—children.  We need to protect them from the influences of world.  However, part of nurturing is to also to make sure that our children are under the proper influence.

It is true that the nurturing and admonishing of children is the parent’s primary responsibility.  However, God instituted another positive influence in the raising of children.  This is none other than the local church.  The church as the Bible describes it is, “the pillar and ground of truth” (1 Timothy 3:15).  The church is the one place that reinforces whatever Biblical truth that is already being taught in the home.  It is important to note that the church is not the replacement for the need of parental influence.  It is rather a place where children can learn more about God and be influenced by godly leaders.  Not allowing the church to fulfill its role of influence is a great disservice to our children.

              The time to influence our children is now.  We do not get the opportunity to turn the clock back.  We only have a limited time to influence, but God has provided us His Word to give us all the necessary tools to become the right kind of influence our children need.