BENCHWARMER

Some fathers
Ramon Dacawi

Fathers sometimes have to lay back and let mothers take the initiative. That's perhaps why Mother's Day comes first (on the second Sunday of May), a full month plus a week ahead of Father's Day (which is today). It's a neat arrangement, lest we (fathers and men) find ourselves again accused of gender insensitivity.

That's why when a father of four called a few days back, he made it clear it was on instructions of his wife. The wife, he stressed, ordered him to whip up five grand from his pocket. Have it delivered for the most needy of patients, be it a mother, father, son, daughter or orphan.

She was out of Baguio for her own medical check-up, staying with her daughter and hugging her grandchildren. He will later join her and help her pull through those procedures towards healing. In-between her appointments with the doctor and rediscovering the joys of grandmotherhood, she browses the internet for news back home. That's how she again came across news about patients in need of support.

For years, and even during her initial medical work-ups here, she had been the one bridging the family with patients. On occasions, it was one of their two sons who would call, sometimes on his own. As he did recently, when a boy's left eye had to be operated on to save the other, and when another kid's daily oral dose against leukemia had to be sustained.

The same arrangement, as in those previous calls, the father stressed. No mention of who the Samaritans are, just another Baguio family trying to reach out. This time the family reached out to a kid – 12-year old Pidiong Bandao who sleeps in a shack on a mountainside in Lucnab. . The boy is the third of five kids who lost their father when he was barely four. The amount will sustain his daily insulin doses. He has learned to measure the dose (20 units morning and 10 evening) and to inject after he was diagnosed for diabetes last year.

That was before Yolanda, their widowed mother, lost her daughter Berlin , who succumbed to complications of the same ailment. The girl was 16, and was buried in Natonin, Mt. Province , her mother’s native place she repaired to when she was going blind.

The call from that loving father and husband and Samaritan came last June 3 while four other fathers who sing folksongs were on their way to a send-off for Baguio boy Harry Basing-at in his home in Dagsian. Newsman March Fianza and soon-to-be nurse Bryan Aliping were driving while Art Bulayo, Harry's buddy in California , and police officer Joseph Adnol were on board.
Harry was returning to California to rejoin his daughter and three sons who had flown back earlier after a short visit here. All U.S.-born and raised, they had no plans of seeing Baguio as yet. They came anyway, giving themselves a few days after Harry told them it might be good for all of them to be together here on the first anniversary of the passing of their mother.

"They left regretting they had so little time here," Harry recalled with that telling I-told-you-so, it-would-be-worth-it look they saw on his face when he sent them off.

While here, his kids were thrilled to see the sights in style, from the back of an open pick-up. Back there in California , it would have triggered a chase by traffic cops, their lights flashing and sirens wailing. “Only in the Philippines ,” they chorused as the open cab entered the tunnels towards the Asin hotsprings.

He admitted he had been strict on them when they were young. It took quite an adjustment for him and his wife when they were old enough to decide when to go out where and with whom, without mom or dad breathing down their necks.

So they were uneasy when he joined them in their night-outs in the folk and country music bars here with relatives their age. They hesitated to order drinks so he did it for .them. Eventually, they loosened up, enraptured by his anecdotes of his own boyhood here. His company allowed them to have a glimpse into a wonderful side of their dad they never knew while growing up in the West Coast.

“Our dad’s okay for company,” they later told their local cousins who told Harry. Harry's the same guy who marked his birthday last year by withdrawing from his bank account. She sent the amount for Yam Bayugan , a 10-year old kid suffering from leukemia. That was after he posted on his bibaknets website the girl's condition, triggering support from Cordillerans here and abroad.

Johann, another father much younger than Harry and nicknamed Boogie e-mailed about his two sons, about six-year old Lukie going to school and six-month old Dylan receiving the joyous sacrament of baptism.

“The baptism of Dylan went well. There were four babies that day and I cried when the priest held Dylan up above his head and all the people clapped to congratulate. The priest really gave importance to the ceremony. The only bad thing was we forgot to give a donation after we signed the papers at the back of the church. Dylan is growing up well. Now he eats solid food twice a day. He smiles a lot too and does not cry and does not give us a hard time.

“There was this morning when Lukie was taking so much time eating his breakfast and was getting late for the school bus. I reminded him a lot of times that he was going to miss his bus but he kept on his pace. He was brushing his teeth when his bus passed. It was even supposed to wait for him but I told them to move on without him When he came out and was told the bus wasgone, he did not believe, but had a worried face.

“I asked him what we would do. Now he was crying. I was planning for us to walk but her Mom (Lovelyn) went out and suggested in Ilocano that we take the bike. He understood what his Mama said and told me we ride tandem.

“Three minutes to nine and we were halfway through when I thought the asphalt that the workmen were working on was already hard. The bike left a long line and the workmen were angry and shouting. They could not curse because they saw Lukie at the back. I just said sorry and pedaled away, thinking of another route to pass later.

“Lukie was asking me why they were angry and I told him because he was late. “When we got to school, the gate was still open and finally Lukie said, ‘You see, Papa, I told you that the school is still open.’ “I wanted to get angry but I just kissed him and he ran inside. I wanted to teach him a lesson and still he got the best out of me.”

When Lukie was born, Boogie texted his own dad he could not find the words to describe his joy over finally becoming a father. “That must have been what your father felt when you were born,” his old man texted back.

Boogie’s e-mail reopens that big treasure chest into which cherished memories about his own growing up – and those of his sister Beng - are stored. They include photos of him and Beng walking to their simultaneous baptism, delayed for years when their parents were trying to raise them almost on empty. Happy parenting and Happy Father’s Day, son. (email:rdacawi@yahoo.com).