Gloria’s ‘My Last Farewell’

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

After lame duck prez Gloria Macapagal Arroyo left Malacanang Palace, my investigative reporter James Macaquecquec visited the vacated First Family’s quarters and found a document under the mattress of the First Couple’s bed. A note was attached to it saying: “To be published after I step down.”

My Last Farewell
by Gloria Macapagal Arroyo

Farewell, my Inang Bayan, land of the morning sun,
Pearl of the Orient Sea, Paradise lost.
With gladness I gave you my life,
With sadness I leave you now.

I made a lot of promises,
Some of which I kept.
I promised to end poverty,
But in the end, the poor end up eating pagpag.

I promised to stop corruption,
But in the end, power corrupted me.
I promised to end the communist insurgency,
But in the end, Gen. Delfin Bangit failed to end it.

I promised to create jobs,
But in the end, 3,000 Filipinos leave everyday to look for jobs abroad.
I promised to end the deficit,
But in the end, I left Noynoy with a P400 billion deficit.

I wish I was more honest,
But instead I became too greedy.
I wish I had served the interest of the people better,
But instead I served my own best interests.

I wish I listened to my critics,
But instead I listened to my husband, Mike.
I tried to improve the economy,
But instead only the oligarchs and my friends benefited from it.

I tried to govern with integrity, credibility, and accountability,
But instead the people called me the “Most Corrupt President in Philippine History.”
I asked the people what they want,
And they said, “Return the money you stole.”

I asked the people to give me another chance to make good my promises,
But they said, “Alis dyan!”
I dreamed of transforming the country into an enchanted kingdom in 20 years,
But the people said, “No way, that’s too long for you to stay in power. Go away!”

I wanted to amend the constitution by way of a people’s initiative to stay in power,
But Justice Antonio Carpio penned a ruling rejecting the people’s initiative petition.
I wanted to change the constitution by way of a Constituent Assembly,
But Cory Aquino passed away and nobody would dare change her constitution.

I planned to stay in power by other means,
But Defense Secretary Norberto Gonzales bungled the job.
I put up my own candidate for president,
But my “kiss of death” killed Gibo Teodoro’s candidacy.

When Gibo appeared to be losing I supported another candidate secretly,
But the media discovered it and exposed my “secret candidate,” Villarroyo.
I appointed 250 midnight appointees,
Hoping that they’ll be there when I needed them.

I appointed a Midnight Chief Justice,
Hoping that he’ll be kind to me when my plunder cases reach the Supreme Court.
I promoted the government lawyers and made their jobs permanent and secure,
Hoping that they’d be indebted to me and kinder when they’re prosecuting me.

I got all the bases covered,
Including a castle in Portugal where I can go to exile if I have to.
And now the end is near,
With heavy heart I leave thee, my Inang Bayan.

I lived a life that’s full,
I had fun spending P3 billion in 107 foreign junkets.
Regrets I’ve had a few,
But my biggest regret is that I failed to stay in power longer.

I bit off more than I could chew,
However, I enjoyed every bit of it.
I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and cried,
And I’ll miss all the games I played with the generals.

And now as tears subside,
I’m glad I survived it all.
The record shows I took the blows,
But I hit back with all my strength.

For what is a woman what has she got,
If not her moolah then she has none.
And so I face the final curtain,
I say this to all my enemies -- to hell with you all!
Yes! I did it my way.
(PerryDiaz@gmail. com)