‘P-Noyparazzi’

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

A new breed of “paparazzi” is born! They’re the “P-Noyparazzi,” a group of Pinoys following President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III’s love life and reporting their sightings of him and his dates in the newspapers, radio, television, and blogsites including Facebook and Twitter. Indeed, a lot of Pinoys are more preoccupied with P-Noy’s love life – or escapades -- than his government.

“Paparazzi” (singular “paparazzo”) is an Italian term for photojournalists who hound celebrities, politicians, and VIPs. The word originated from an Italian dialect that depicts an annoying noise like a buzzing mosquito. It was popularized in the 1960 film “La Dolce Vita,” which means “the sweet life.”

In a matter of two months since late September, P-Noy has chased beautiful young women all over the place. Immediately after he broke off with Valenzuela City councilor Shalani Soledad, P-Noyparazzi have sighted P-Noy with three women – Trish, Barbie, and Liz. But Trish denied that she knew or had even met P-Noy.

However, P-Noy and Barbie were sighted in a posh restaurant and were photographed together. Barbie must have had the shock of her life when suddenly she felt like a goldfish in a fishbowl… for the whole world to gawk at. I guess she couldn’t take it so she told P-Noy that would be their first and last date. Whew!

Then, Liz Uy, a well known “celebrity stylist,” entered the picture. Liz was Kris Aquino’s stylist and she suggested to her brother P-Noy to hire Liz as his stylist... or as some people were saying, his “hair stylist.”

I’m not sure if Liz would really qualify for a man’s stylist cuz at one time after she was hired, P-Noy was wearing a dark suit and a silver tie! Most men would know – particularly those in position of power – that a “silver tie” is not a “power tie.” Men who project power wear red tie.

Does a man really need a “stylist” to tell him which white barong or dark suit or black shoes to wear? Men don’t have too many options when it comes to wardrobe selection, except cravat, which is the only piece of attire that they can indulge in vanity.

So, who needs a stylist? Most women do if they can afford it and rarely men do even if they can afford it. But, hey, if you’re the prez, you can do anything you want, right?
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It must have been “love at first cut” when Liz cut P-Noy’s hair. P-Noy went bananas over her. A few days later, the “tusok tusok the fish ball” crowd was agog over rumors that P-Noy and Liz were secretly engaged to be married on October 11, 2011, his parents’ wedding anniversary. After P-Noy returned from the APEC conference in Japan, he jubilantly admitted that he was dating Liz. Well, that was then.

Last Nov. 29, P-Noyparazzi spotted – and photographed – P-Noy with another woman on a “merienda date” at Myron’s at the Power Plant Mall in Rockwell. The new mystery woman turned out to be Len Lopez, a pedigreed 38-year old Ilongga who works as a stockbroker with Deutsche Bank.

As soon as the P-Noyparazzi sighted P-Noy and Len together, Manila was buzzing with gossip that Liz dumped P-Noy. If true, the question is: did Liz dump P-Noy before or after Len entered the picture? Hmm…

Then came the absurd! P-Noy’s spin meisters started circulating the word that P-Noy’s relationship with Liz has always been strictly professional. No hanky-panky kuno. Do they think that people are stupid and don’t read the newspaper, watch TV or listen to the radio?
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Meanwhile, Shalani – remember her? – is on to better things. She was hired to co-host a new game show – “Willing Willie” – with Willie Revillame, the former host of the popular show, “Wowowee.” But soon after the show started, the showbiz world was buzzing -- Willie was wooing Shalani! No other than Shalani’s mom was saying, “It seems Willie is really serious in his desire to court” Shalani. Okay, Willie boy, what’s up your sleeves? But Shalani doesn’t seem to be as willingly attracted to Willie. Maybe she’s just playing “hard to get.” Hey, that’s perfectly all right.

But here is the stinger. As soon as Willie entered the picture, the P-Noyparazzi started circulating the word that P-Noy wants Shalani back! Hey, having a romantic relationship is like being the captain of a ship – you don’t jump ship unless there is another ship you could cling to. That’s probably what’s happening with P-Noy – swimming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with all the P-Noyparazzi circling around him like hungry sharks!
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Enough of P-Noy’s love life. Let’s talk about his government. Please read on, don’t get bored. Well, let’s see… There no more news about P-Noy’s “shooting buddy,” DILG Undersecretary Rico Puno, since the jueteng scandal. Yup, if P-Noy couldn’t fire his “shooting buddy,” hide him somewhere. Like they say, “out of sight, out of mind.” P-Noy has probably assigned him to the remote Spratly archipelago where he can oversee the security of the islands.

The Department of Tourism has been quiet lately. With Tourism Undersecretary Enteng Romano’s resignation after the “Pilipinas Kay Ganda” brouhaha, tourism seems to have taken a dive. Perhaps Tourism Secretary Bertie Lim should hire somebody to develop Spratly into a tourist destination. P-Noy can then put his “shooting buddy” to work to stop the Chinese from invading Spratly.
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Len Lopez was a classmate and close friend of Gloria’s daughter, Luli Arroyo. If P-Noy marries Len, it could be like a “Sicilian wedding” where warring clans are joined together by marriage of members or friends of their families. It might pave the way for a reconciliation of the Aquino and Arroyo families.

This reminds me of P-Noy’s announcement after his inauguration. He said that the Marcoses congratulated him in a text message. He then declared that the Aquino and Marcos families have reconciled.

Well, the reconciliation was not that spontaneous. Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa Jr. is a partner of MOST but who is on leave since he became the “Little President.” The acronym MOST stands for Marcos, Ochoa, Serapio and Tan Law Office.

The “Ochoa” in the firm is Jojo and the “Marcos” is Liza Araneta-Marcos, the wife of Senator Ferdinand “Bongbong” Marcos Jr. and a cousin of ex-First Gentleman Jose Miguel “Mike” Araneta Lacson Arroyo. Interestingly, Bongbong’s younger sister Irene Marcos is married to Greggy Araneta, a cousin of Liza Araneta-Marcos and Mike Arroyo. Dot… dot… dot…

A Manila columnist describes MOST as the “Most powerful, the most sought-after, the most feared law firm in the country today.” Yes, indeed. Are we looking at the emergence of a powerful political force – a triumvirate of the Aquino, Arroyo, and Marcos families? Hey, the 2016 presidential election is not too far away; it’s time for the oligarchs to form alliances to stay in power.

Indeed, it’s going to be la dolce vita again for the rich and powerful. (PerryDiaz@gmail.com)