La Cuarta Nostra

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

Since La Gloria’s victory in the lop-sided race for Pampanga’s second congressional district and the Jueteng Lord’s wife’s victory as Pampanga’s governor, the province has a new motto, “Cuarta na!”

Gloria spent more than P400 million in pork barrel funds to win the election… without campaigning. Indeed, she did it in a manner she does best -- let money do the talking.

With Gloria and Lilia Pineda on top of the scheme of things in Pampanga, “La Cuarta Nostra” (“Our Money”) will reign supreme in the province. And with anti-jueteng crusader ex-governor Fr. Ed Panlilio out in the cold, “jueteng power” is back! Indeed, jueteng is all about money and power; that is, money creates power and power corrupts.
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Gloria’s husband, First Gentleman Mike Arroyo, told the media that the First Family started moving out of Malacañang Palace two weeks ago. Well, it’s about time ‘cuz it would take sometime to clean up the “mess” left in the palace after nine years. No wonder President-elect Noynoy Aquino refuses to move to Malacañang.

Noynoy might move into Bahay Pangarap (Dream House) across the murky waters of Pasig River, just five minutes by boat from Malacañang. Built in the 1930s during the time of President Manuel L. Quezon, it was intended to be a presidential rest house. In 2008, Gloria had it renovated. A one-bedroom bungalow, Bahay Pangarap would be the perfect pad for the bachelor president. If Noynoy decides to move in, he should have the inside walls torn out and redone to make sure there is no eavesdropping equipment.

As the first bachelor to lead the country, many are wondering how soon if and when he is going to marry his girlfriend, Shalani Soledad. At the first press conference, he told the media that he will consult with psychic Madam Auring about that. Well, Madam Auring better tell the 50-year old Noynoy to tie the knot soon while he still has the strength of a young stud ‘cuz the chances are good that within a few months in the presidency, he’d feel like a “dirty old man” ready to kick the bucket.
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There’s a few things that Armed Forces Chief of Staff Gen. Delfin Bangit needs to learn and never forget: (1) He serves at the pleasure of the Commander-in- Chief; (2) When a new Commander-in- Chief moves in, he should submit his courtesy resignation; and (3) Shut up! It’s all or nothing. Look at Philippine National Police Director Gen. Jesus Versoza. He did all three and Noynoy told him to stay on the job. Bangit didn’t and now he’s heading for the doghouse.
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First Gentleman Mike Arroyo launched a book titled “First” which includes all his answers to criticism against the First Family. Of course he only answered the questions he remembered. It’s called “selective amnesia.” But I’m pretty sure that there would be 20 authors who would be writing about the things Mike forgot… like the “Hello Garci” scandal?

He said that the media treated Gloria unfairly and that they failed to highlight Gloria’s achievements in the past nine years. I think he’s wrong on both counts. The media gave Gloria prime time coverage on all her achievements; to name a few: the“Hello Garci” election cheating scandal, the NBN-ZTE bribery scandal, the Spratly sell out to China, the Bangsa Moro ancestral domain memorandum of agreement, Gloria’s “friendship” with the Ampatuans, etc. With all the corruption scandals involving members of the First Family, the book should have been titled “First to Collect.”
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Noynoy vowed that he would not appoint relatives in his government. Well, that’s one way of him telling some of his relatives who were appointed by Gloria not to apply for a job. That includes his aunt Lupita Aquino-Kashiwahara (Gloria’s image enhancer), uncle Paul Aquino (Gloria’s government consultant), and uncle Peping Cojuangco (Cory’s brother and Gloria’s Philippine Sports Commissioner) . Noynoy should be kind to them ‘cuz Lupita didn’t do a good job in enhancing Gloria’s image. Paul probably gave Gloria some bad advice, and Peping… well, what can a sports commissioner really do other than make bets. Just kidding. But Peping must be grinning from ear to ear ‘cuz his favorite nephew won the presidency. Happy days are here again!
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A week ago, Malacañang told Noynoy’s transition team that there were 5,000 “casual” -- or contractual -- employees who would lose their jobs on June 30 when Gloria loses her job too. Yesterday, Malacañang said there are 50,000 “casual” employees on the payroll until June 30. Gee, from 5,000 to 50,000 “casuals” in one week!!! I wonder if these are the notorious “15-30” employees; that is, they come to work on the 15th and 30th of the month… to collect their paychecks. After June 30, they’ll all be known as Gloria’s “casualties.”
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News Item…. “Malacañang has called on the incoming administration to strive for unity and reconciliation and to hold consultations with all sides before instituting any changes in the bureaucracy.” Hmmm… Did I miss something here? I thought Noynoy was able to unite the people against Gloria’s candidates. As to “reconciliation,” was Malacañang talking about Noynoy reconciling with Gloria or Gloria reconciling with God? Either way, Gloria should make the first move by returning all the money she was accused of stea… errr… taking from the people.

As to “instituting any changes in the bureaucracy,” why would Noynoy consult with Gloria about the changes he’s going to make? I think it’s about time Gloria realize that her time is up. She should prepare to defend herself from the plunder charges that will be filed against her once she steps down in two weeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first to file charges against her would be former prez Joseph “Erap” Estrada. Yup, it’s payback time.
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Congressman Dr. Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao and 120 other neophyte congressmen are required to undergo practice legislative sessions to prepare them for their new jobs as legislators. They will also be asked to undergo lawmaking workshop including debating with seasoned lawmakers.

But for Pacman, there are several other requirements, to wit: (1) He’s required to be tutored by former prez Joseph “Erap” Estrada on the proper use of the English language; (2) He’s required to learn from Sen. Vicente “Tito” Sotto III how to become a popular legislator without doing anything; and (3) He’s required to learn from former prez and congresswoman Gloria Macapagal Arroyo how to get more pork than anybody else. If Pacman learns the “art of politics” from these three, he will become the bestsanopabits in Congress. -- (PerryDiaz@gmail. com)