Half-full or half-empty

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III completed his 100th day in office with mixed ratings. Some of his critics see his performance as half-empty but P-Noy insisted that it’s half-full. But as one pilosopo said, “If it’s half-full then it must also be half-empty.” Touché.

But a wise guy said, “Hey, it’s not a question of whether it’s half-full or half-empty. We elected him to be a full-time president with a full pay, therefore we should judge his performance whether it’s full or empty.” Hmm… Mukhang tama yata.

Then a smart aleck said, “Hoy, if I went to a restaurant I’d expect to be served with a glass full of water with my order, not half-full or half-empty. By the same token, I gave P-Noy my full vote, so I expect a full glass.”

Then an idiot asked, “If it’s full, is it full of air or water?” Huh?
And finally, a retard butted in, “If it’s full of air, then it must be empty and you can’t drink air. I want my glass of water!Wah! Wah!” Ay naku!
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P-Noy’s mini Sona-ta… In his Sona-like speech dubbed “Isang Daang Araw Sa Isang Daang Matuwid: Report Kay Boss” (100 Days in One Straight Road: Report to the Boss), P-Noy boasted of his accomplishments during his first 100 days in office. Indeed, it was impressive.

However, he didn’t say anything about Luneta-gate, Jueteng-gate, Oplan Bayan Laya, and Gloria Macapagal Arroyo’s fate. Well, maybe those were the crooked and pockmarked segments of the road that he avoided. Yup, a detour is always an option when you’re driving.

Best friends forever… Rico E. Puno bragged that P-Noy had asked him to stay put in his job as Undersecretary of the Dept. of the Interior and Local Government (DILG) despite accusations of gross negligence in the handling of the Aug. 23 hostage crisis and allegations he was a “jueteng” protector.

P-Noy must really have full confidence in Puno, his mentor and “shooting buddy,” the same way Czar Nicolas II had full confidence in Rasputin, his wife’s mentor and alleged lover. Yup, Raspunotin is to P-Noy as Rasputin was to Nicolas. In the end, friendship matters more than anything else, which reminds me when King George VI gave up the British crown for love of a divorcee.

Call it true friendship or true love but that’s what makes the world go around and around… and a lot of people scratching their heads. Indeed, it pays to belong to the “Kabarkada Inc.”
P-Noy Doctrine… P-Noy seems to believe in the adage, “Two heads are better than one.” So, it is not surprising that he put two heads in DILG — Secretary Jess Robredo in charge of Local Government and Undersecretary Rico E. Puno in charge of security matters.

He also divided the former press secretary’s office into two communications groups with Sec. Sonny Coloma as head of one group and Sec. Ricky Carandang as head of the other. In addition, he appointed his friend Edwin Lacierda as presidential spokesman. Well, it’s a good set-up: If one of them made a boo-boo, he’d point his fingers at the other two. It’s called “the fastest gun lives.”

And then he filled up his cabinet with people from the “Balay” faction of Mar Roxas and the “Samar” faction of Jojo Binay. It’s called “survival of the toughest.”

Balay vs. Samar… Columnist Conrado de Quiros in his recent column,“Crooked,” wrote: “Even as P-Noy prepares for his 100th day in office, something has been happening under his nose to make one wonder if he knows what his subalterns are doing. Or about his determination to compel them to hew to the daang matuwid (straight road) rather than thedaang baluktot (crooked road).

“That is the way his budget secretary, Butch Abad, has been allocating budgets to various offices. Either he is possessed of sheer inspiration or sheer madness. Particularly mind-boggling are these two cases.

“One is the amount of money he wants to lavish on Ricky Carandang. This was reported last week, but was lost in the haze or blaze of other news. Carandang is one of the two communications secretaries, the other being Sonny Coloma. Carandang handles the messaging and Coloma handles the operations, or so their designations say they should. Given his duties, Carandang proposed a budget of P80 million for his office. Figuring that was too lush, Executive Secretary Jojo Ochoa cut it down to P50 million. Now here’s the wonder of it. Abad didn’t just defend Carandang’s original budget, he jacked it up all the way to P200 million! That was what he submitted to Congress.”

With hardly any staff to run, I wonder how Carandang is going to spend that kind of moolah? Interestingly, Abad and Carandang belong to the “Balay” faction while Ochoa and Coloma belong to the “Samar” faction.

By the way, the “Samar” faction was named after Samar Street where the Noy-Bi group met during the campaign while “Balay” refers to the house (balay) of Mar Roxas in Cubao, Quezon City where the Noy-Mar group met.

Consuelo de bobo… Vice President Jejomar “Jojo” Binay was disappointed his budget was slashed from P195 million to P177 million. Can you see this as the handiwork of the Balay “faction”?

Binay said it’s an affront to the second highest office in the country. But as a “consuelo de bobo,” P-Noy allowed Jojo to transfer his office to the Coconut Palace by the Manila Bay where he’ll have a grand view of the golden sun when it sets at dusk every day. For that and nothing else, P177 million is a lot of moolah!

Believe it or not… News report says, “The Commission on Elections has allowed Ang Kasangga party-list Rep. Teodorico Haresco, a businessman, to sit in Congress as the representative of small-income enterprises and blind masseurs.”

Yup, masseurs are required by some of their clients to be blindfolded while they’re being massaged. I guess their clients didn’t want to be identified just in case private investigators were hired to check into their lifestyles.

Scoop of the week… The 2011 national budget has allocated P2.2 billion in “pork barrel” funds for Exprezcong Gloria Macapagal Arroyo. That’s the biggest “pork barrel” from the Department of Public Works and Highways (DPWH) for Gloria’s infrastructure projects in her Pampanga district. I guess Gloria has to improve all the roads so the jueteng kubradors can run faster in collecting bets. Like they say in the land of La Cuarta Nostra, “Cuarta na! Cuarta na!” (PerryDiaz@gmail.com)