Winners and whiners

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

As the say in the Philippines, “There are no losers, only the winners and those who were cheated.” Well, I might want to change that to: “There are no losers, only the winners and the whiners.” But Congressman Teodoro “Teddy Boy” Locsin Jr. said it all, “Losers are whiners, but winners are sometimes cheaters, too.” Yes, indeed.

Several days ago, Teddy Boy lost his temper during a congressional hearing when he called Smartmatic President Cesar Flores, “son of a bitch,” and other unnamed persons, “sons of bitches.” Teddy Boy also called “Robin,” the whistleblower, “Koala Bear,” because he looked like a Koala bear with the mask he was wearing.

My investigative reporter James Macaquecquec reported that after Teddy Boy’s outburst, the committee chairman adjourned the hearing and called for a closed door hearing to investigate the claims of Koala Bear. He subpoenaed Koala Bear to appear and invited Teddy Boy to interrogate Koala Bear. The hearing was closed to the press but James was able to sneak in, by bribing the guard, and hiding behind the curtains.
James sent me the transcript of the hearing which goes:
Chairman: This hearing is now called to order.
Teddy Boy: Thank you Mr. Chairman. Can the Koala Bear identify himself?
Koala Bear: Just call me Robin, Mr. Teddy Bear.
Teddy Boy: My nickname is Teddy Boy, not Teddy Bear, okay? Now, since this is a closed hearing, may I request that you remove your mask?
Koala Bear: Mr. Chairman, I’ll remove my mask only if Teddy Bear removes his clothes.
Mr. Chairman: What has that to do with the hearing?
Koala Bear: Well, Mr. Chairman, I have reason to believe that Teddy Bear is not who he claims to be. He…
Teddy Boy: What??? You son of a…
Mr. Chairman: Stop that! No invectives, please. You may continue, Robin.
Koala Bear: Thank you Mr. Chairman. I think this hearing is turning out to be a Kangaroo Court. We have a Teddy Bear and Koala Bear here. And you Mr. Chairman is beginning to act like a Panda Bear. Well… the reason I’m asking Teddy Bear to remove his clothes is because I received information from a very reliable source that Teddy Bear is actually a Barbie Girl.
Teddy Boy: Tangnamo! You sonofabitch! I’ll kill…
Mr. Chairman: Stop! You sonsofbitches! This hearing is adjourned! Get out of here!
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The “bottom dwellers” -- Jamby Madrigal, Nick Perlas, and JC de los Reyes -- have a combined vote of less than one-half of one percent, yet they’re all claiming that they have been cheated. Give them five million votes each and they’d still be losers. As the saying goes, “Once a loser, always a loser.”

Former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada’s lawyer insists that Erap won the presidential elections. He said that Erap was cheated and asked Congress to require the production and examination of the 76,000 Precinct Count Optical Scanner (PCOS) machines and their main and backup memory cards. He said that there was “Hocus PCOS” in the counting. This Herculean task could take several months to accomplish.

Meanwhile, who would be acting as president? Are you ready for Gloria? For one thing, Gloria doesn’t like the word “acting” and Erap should know that better than anybody. When Erap was removed from office in 2001, it was supposed to be temporary and Gloria would just have been installed as “acting president.” However, when Gloria was sworn in, the Chief Justice forgot to say “acting.” Makes one wonder if Erap is playing into Gloria’s game for the second time.
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A news report says: “In a meeting late Monday night in Malacañang, the third members’ caucus since the May 10 elections, roughly 80 members of the 109 Lakas-Kampi representatives elected in the House of Representatives lustily cheered when a member asked if they wanted President Arroyo to run as the party bet for Speaker in the 15th Congress.” But what about the other 29 representatives? If they didn’t “lustily cheer” for Gloria, were they “lusting” for somebody else?
But Gloria has been telling her party mates that she’s not interested in the Speakership of the House of Representatives. Whenever Gloria is in denial, watch out! That’s when she’s most dangerous. Remember, a snake recoils before it strikes.
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Does anyone remember Justice Secretary Alberto Agra? Well, new words were coined after he made a fool of himself when he exonerated the prime suspects of the Maguindanao Massacre.
Agramoronism -- A cockeyed interpretation of the law usually characterized by idiotic reasoning and lack of judicial foundation.
Agramoronic -- An act that manifests the practice of Agramoronism.
Agranomics -- Mental exercise in idiotic reasoning.
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There’s a growing number of Fil-Am “Internet” Republicans that‘s inundating cyberspace with weird stories. They love Sarah Palin and they think that President Barack Obama was born in Kenya. They also think that Obama is a socialist because he’s a favorite of Facebook members. When asked why? Their answer was: “According to Sarah Palin, Facebook is social network, therefore its members are ‘socialists.’ ” Well, with more than 200 million members, Facebook is the largest socialist group in the world. Become a socialist, join the Facebook!
(PerryDiaz@gmail. com)