Taming The Tongue

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Jun Malazo

Part Two

In the last article, I discussed the danger of the tongue and the potential damage it can do to our lives and the lives of others around us.  King Solomon said in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Though only “a little member…” according to James 3:5, it can control our entire lives.  James also describes the tongue as an “unruly evil full of deadly poison” (3:8). 

As we continue to read James 3 we find vivid warnings about the tongue.  Many other verses in the Bible give us a description of its potential danger when it is not used properly.  I believe it is because the tongue can do so much damage that it can alter someone’s life.  The effect of the improper use of the tongue can sometimes lead to irreversible consequences.  The following story gives an illustration of how hard it is to reverse the effects of an unbridled tongue.  The story is called, “The Gossiper.”

A woman repeated a story (gossip) about a neighbor. Within a few days everyone in the community knew the story. The person she talked about heard what had been said about her, and she was very sad. Later, the woman who had spread the story learned that it was not true. She was very sorry and went to a wise counsellor and asked what she could do to repair the damage. After giving this some thought, the counsellor said to her, “Go home, get one of your feather pillows, and bring it back to me.”  Surprised by the counsellor’s response, the woman followed his advice and went home to get a feather pillow and brought it to the counsellor.”Now,” said the counsellor, “open the pillow and pull out all the feathers.”  Confused, the woman did what she was told to do.

After a few minutes, the counsellor said, “Now, I want you to find every one of the feathers and put them back into the pillow.”

“That’s impossible,” said the woman, almost in

 tears.  “The window is open and the wind has scattered them all over the room and blown many feathers outside.  I can’t possibly find them all.”

“Yes,” said the counsellor.  “And that is what happens when you gossip or tell a story about someone else. Once you talk about someone, the words fly from one person’s mouth to another, just like these feathers flew in the wind.  Once you say them, you can never take them back.”The truth of the matter is that most of us have been victims of someone’s unbridled tongue.  Whether the details of the gossip were actually true or not, the gossip has left us emotionally hurt.  But on the same token, most of us have been a part perpetrating gossip ourselves.  On whichever side we find ourselves, this unruly evil leaves us with devastating effects.

One of the purposes that God intended for the proper use of our tongue is to edify others.  This means to build and encourage others and not to tear down and devour with our tongues.  So how do we tame this “unruly evil” called the tongue? 

First of all, we must understand that the problem of an unbridled tongue is not only an issue with the casual Christian.  It is a problem that plagues even the most mature Christian in leadership.  Having spent close to twenty years in the pastoral ministry so far, I have seen many leaders fall prey to this “unruly evil.”  An important principle to remember is that the tongue has a source.  Notice what Jesus says about the source of the tongue:

“But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.  For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies: “  (Matthew 15:18-19)

The Lord Jesus Christ is telling us that the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart.  In order to control what comes out of our mouths, we must have a heart transformation.  This heart transformation is only possible through the control and fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  The reason Christians cannot control their tongues is because often their hearts are not right with God.  Psalms 37:30 says, “The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.”  Therefore it is possible to tame the tongue if its source is a righteous source.

Jesus adds, “…for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh”  (Matthew 12:34).  In essence, the mouth is an outward reflection of the inward condition of the heart.  Whatever is in the heart will eventually find its way out of the mouth.

The Bible continues to say, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”  (Jeremiah 17:9).  The “unruly evil” characteristic of the tongue is because the heart is desperately wicked.  This is why an unbridled tongue can do so much damage.  It is rooted in our selfish hearts.  The Bible says, “Be not rash with thy mouth, and let not thine heart be hasty to utter anything before God. . .”  (Ecclesiastes 5:2).

I believe that it is possible to control the tongue, but only with God’s help.  The Bible gives us many commands regarding the use of the tongue to give praise to God and to edify others.  God would never give us a command that would be impossible to accomplish.  Jesus said that, “without me ye can do nothing.”  We need God’s help when it comes to controlling the tongue.  The tongue is too unruly for us to control on our own.         

Secondly, there are many principles given to us in the Bible that will help us control the tongue.  In order to have victory over this unruly evil, we must utilize these principles that God gave us in His Word.  Philippians 4:8 gives us a guideline of how to filter out the things that come out of our mouths.  It reads:

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”  (Philippians 4:8)

Before words come out of our mouths, we must take the time to process what we are about to say.  Would it be helpful or hurtful?  This is not an easy task, but it is possible to accomplish.  The verse above gives us a list of what we should be thinking about before we open our mouths.  Sadly, we find ourselves doing the opposite many times in our lives—speaking before thinking.  Proverbs 29:20 describes many of us as it says, “Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope of a fool than of him.”

In addition, the Psalmist says, “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.”  (Psalms 141:3).  The word watch in this verse means to guard and the word keep means to be in charge over.  The writer of this psalm recognizes that he needs the Lord to help him think before he speaks.

One last principle to understand is that we need to develop the skill of learning when to be silent. James 1:9 admonishes us, “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”  This skill helps us to consider a matter fully before speaking.  Proverbs 18:13 says, “He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” 

In closing, we need to understand the power of our words.  They can heal a hurting soul, but they can also wound a sensitive heart.  They can build relationships, but they can also leave permanent damage in those we love and care about.  Our speech defines our character.  It can set the direction of our lives.  Paul reminds us, “Let your speech be alway with grace, seasoned with salt, that ye may know how ye ought to answer every man”  (Colossians 4:6).