BEHIND THE SCENES

Of high prices and text jokes
ALFRED P. DIZON

We are still lucky – poor, hapless constituents of this Banana Republic as compared to other countries. In Zimbabwe – believe it or not – an egg now costs $36 billion due to hyperinflation earning it a spot in the Guinness Book World Records.

I wouldn’t be able to earn even one percent of that amount in my lifetime. That is why in this country where local officials are making decrepit programs just to earn a slot in the Guinness, even if everything like oil and other basic commodities are going up, we can still count ourselves fortunate.

We can still eat three times a day. But then, the number of families getting poorer by the day is increasing. It is pathetic when we hear news every now and then about men and women stealing, mugging, coercing, kidnapping or killing, so they can have something to feed their families.
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Cost of living is getting harder by the day. In the Cordillera, the Dept. of Trade and Industry said prices of prime commodities in the Cordillera continued to increase the past several weeks. The price increases were attributed to domino effects of soaring prices of oil in the world market.

Consider these data as culled by the DTI: canned goods, which prevailed at P10.50-P11 a few months ago, increased by as much as P1.64 while an increase of P3-P6 per can was also recorded in the price of processed condensed filled milk. A hike of P3 was registered in the price of evaporated milk and those for babies. Not a good time for creating babies.

Prices of detergent bars was up by P0.50, soap increased by P2 per piece, while loaf bread recorded the biggest price increase at P9 for the 400-gram loaf during a period of three months and P18 for the 600-gram pack. If you can take it, you can wash your pants once a month but then, you would be depriving a soap manufacturer of profits aside from being the object of ridicule.
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Despite rocketing rice prices, we still can’t become Americans and substitute bread for rice. For soap, we might as well learn how to make it from plants. But where to get plants when only a few own backyards and forests are supposed to be protected areas? Sanamagan.

The price of flour rose by P230 per 25-kg bag compared to its price over a month ago. Compared to the price three months ago, the current rate is P90 less. Sugar now costs P40 a kilo, while brown sugar is sold at P32. Three months ago, the prices were P38 and P29, respectively. We might as well learn how to make do without sugar. Better for the health and we wouldn’t be candidates for diabetes.
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The price of canned beef increased by P1.50 per can compared to its price over a month ago. A P1.50 increase was also recorded for instant noodles. Might as well eat vegetables since price of the staple crops go down every now and then. Blame it on foreign “invasion” (importation of veggies) due to globalization – no thanks again to our technocrats and officials who dragged us into the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade when we should have had protectionist policies.

The GATT has made life miserable for this country’s constituents like farmers, businessmen and exporters. But then again, nobody, not even the Senate can question our executive officials on account of “executive privilege” granted by Malacanang.
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If the then booming shoe business in Marikina is a thing of the past, blame it on cheap imitation shoes from China, Vietnam and other countries who could export and sell these at low prices in the country due to cheap labor and materials in their countries of origin.

On construction materials, cement prices remained stable until several days ago when prices increased by P16 per 40-kilo bag. The prices of steel bars went up over three times as compared to the prices several months ago. For the moneyed, not a good time to build a house even if price of electrical supplies remained steady.
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The prices of meat, fish and vegetable products recorded an increase of 10 to 15 percent. Afficionados would be happy to know that no increase of coffee products was noted, but then, Starbucks noted dwindling sales. We might as well not eat or drink, but then, we still have a lot of obligations.

According to the DTI, if oil prices would increase the coming weeks, prices of basic commodities would also rise. This would lead to a very difficult situation for poor families who would be deprived of basic goods. It might ignite another Edsa Revolution, but this is improbable considering that people have become immune to excesses committed by government officials like graft and corruption and are just waiting for the 2010 elections.

Aside from effects of rising prices of fuel, the agriculture sector is hounded by the devastation caused by calamities. This is aggravated by Pagasa projections that more typhoons are expected to hit Luzon the next two months. \
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Pundits have noted that every time a woman became president of this blighted republic, our lives have gone from bad to worse. We might as well elect a male president next time around.

I’m running as president, err -- janitor, hehehe -- of my fans club at Le Fondue along Session Road in Baguio where I sing Thursdays. See you there if you like 70s and 80s folk, jazz and blues music. It could somehow make you forget problems spawned by You-Know-Who. Maybe, we could come up with something… like a political group for next elections. Ever wondered why … won every election? Joke only, hehehe.
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Now for some text jokes sent to my cheap cell phone and diligently spelled out by Yours Truly for your convenience: Official announcement: The government is changing its emblem from Narra to Condom because it accurately reflects the government’s political and economic programs. A condom allows inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks and gives you a sense of security while you are being screwed.
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Sabi Chinese feng shui: Kung salamin nasa hagdanan, swelte, glasya akyat. Kung salamin nasa pintuan, swelte, glasya pasok. Kung salamin nasa kisame, ikaw sobla swelte talaga … nasa loob ka motel.
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INA: One to 10, di mo kayang bilangin? ANAK: Mas bobo si itay, nay, kasi, nadinig ko minsan sabi niya, “Tama na Inday… hanggang 3 lang kaya ko.”