BEHIND THE SCENES

Alfred P. Dizon
Me an entertainer?

BAGUIO CITY – Me an entertainer? I don’t know how the city council defined “entertainers” in requiring “night workers” to present first a National Statistics Office birth certificate to the city government before they could work making people happier.

Since I sing Thursdays at Le Fondue, I may have to present now an NSO certificate to the city government or I will be stripped of my bragging tights as a crooner. You see, some middle aged ladies are apparently mesmerized by the mean Yakuza look, and gone would be the vanity nights if we wouldn’t be able to get an NSO card pronto. Are singers like us considered entertainers or low life form nuisances?

The city council Monday approved on third and final reading an ordinance authored by Councilor Erdolfo Balajadia mandating “no establishments with entertainers and night workers within the city shall employ entertainers and night workers without first requiring the submission of an authenticated birth certificate from the NSO.

As Aileen P. Refuerzo of the city press information wrote, “gone would be the wisdom tooth tests” in hiring night workers. I still have my wisdom tooth so I guess I have a certain degree of intelligence in writing this. ***

Now that entertainers and night workers in Baguio would be required to present birth certificates authenticated by the NSO before they can be issued working permits by the city government, I guess no nincompoop of a cop or military intelligence agent would brand us a commie and abduct us for the reason that we have a different way of looking at things.

The ordinance says it seeks to correct the practice of many job applicants in faking their ages and their names to get employed even in sensitive jobs as entertainers which under the law are off limits to minors. Please, I’m no minor, maybe just a minor headache to some of our friends in government.

“A NSO birth certificate is necessary because for the past years most of the night workers have been submitting birth certificates with questionable sources so that their identity may not be true. Since the entertainers are fond of using pseudonyms or aliases and do not reveal their true age, the NSO-authenticated birth certificates are necessary to provide their true identity,” Balajadia said.
***
You see, out of fear, I never submitted to any government agency a fake birth certificate or document saying I’m Brad Pitt. And since I still have my bragging rights, I dare say with a straight face I’m more handsome than him (ahem) so there is no need for me to fake the ID on my birth certificate.

Balajadia said this requirement will help the Reproductive Health and Wellness Center of the Health Services Office in monitoring night workers as part of the Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI) and HIV/AIDS Prevention and Control Program. He said the RHWC needs accurate data on the identity and age of these workers when they come for their weekly examination and registration at the RHWC.

Gosh, but you see, I’m disqualified from sowing wild oats. In my case, I guess there would be no need for me to be checked if I have AIDS as even Andy of Rumours may have thought my knees were getting weaker since he gave me an ATM discount card for Viagra as a birthday present. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
***
So back to the ordinance: “The true age based on birth dates will determine if they are minors (below 18 years old) or not because minors should not be allowed to work in any establishment in the city based on the Labor Code. In order to prevent minors from working and be protected by law it is then proposed that a NSO authenticated birth certificate should be presented to the RHWC of the HSO during their registration for work in night establishments.”

Any city official worth his salt would know that even without looking at my NSO certificate, he would gauge that I am in my mid 40s and there is no reason for me to have a guardian when I go out to sing at night.

The ordinance said establishing an accurate profiling of these workers would help authorities like the Department of Social Welfare and Development and the police in tracing the true identity of a night worker like in cases of accidents or crimes.
***
I don’t know if the councilors would like to have a local version of the proposed and much maligned National ID card in “profiling” night workers. Isn’t this class legislation? Why wouldn’t day workers be subjected to the same rules? Paging the Commission on Human Rights or our militant lady friends with the Cordillera People’s Alliance or the Cordillera Human Rights Alliance.

Under the new local law, business establishments that will violate this Ordinance shall be slapped fines ranging from P1,000 to P3,000 with revocation of business permits. Also, applicants who submit falsified birth certificates in their applications for employment shall be prosecuted and be made liable under the provisions of the Revised Penal Code upon endorsement of the City Legal Office of such violation to the Office of the City Prosecutor of Baguio City.

I would like to assure our friends in the city council or the police that we don’t have plans of violating laws of this Banana Republic since we are law abiding citizens. Not even a bet in the much loved game of the masses called jueteng.

Pasensiya gagayyem dita konsejo. Langay laeng. If this column turned out this way, it is because press deadline pressure has a way of addling the brain.