House of Arroyo

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

In July this year, Gloria Macapagal Arroyo is expected to be chosen Speaker of the House of Representatives. And four other members of the Arroyo dynasty will be Representatives: Gloria’s two sons, Mikey and Dato; her brother-in-law Iggy; and her sister-in-law Lourdes. The House of Representatives will soon be known as the "House of Arroyo".

But for Gloria to become Speaker, she must first win the election in the 2nd Congressional District of Pampanga. Well, if you listen to Gloria’s rival, Adonis Simpao, it looks like she will have the fight of her life. It’s going to be like the biblical battle between David and Goliath. Yup, it’s going to be Adonis vs. Gloriath.

Recently, Gloria announced that she was going on a “charm offensive” around the country because she wants to change the people’s impression of her by promoting her “legacy.” What legacy? Well, let’s see: legacy of corruption, legacy of poverty… Yup, she sure is going to leave a lot of legacies behind. Wah wah we!

But according to Gloria’s Exec Secretary, Eduardo Ermita, Gloria wants to reconcile with her enemies and detractors before she steps down. Gloria said she didn’t want to step down with a heavy heart. Or perhaps she’s scared that her enemies and detractors would file plunder charges against her when she steps down. Like they say, it couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

Sen. Aquilino “Nene” Pimentel Jr. told Gloria bluntly: “Admit first you erred.” Whoa! If Gloria would admit that she erred, then she should also return her “loot” to the people, and as Bishop Oscar Cruz -- who threatened her with excommunication -- told her: “Confess your sins.” Now, these are tall orders and I doubt if Gloria would comply to their demands.

But somebody took her up. Former House Speakers Joe de Venecia reconciled with Gloria. Why not? With De Venecia’s perceived influence over 50 congressmen, Gloria needs Joe in her bid for the Speakership in July.

But what’s in it for Joe? For one thing, Joe’s wife, Gina, was tickled pink when the couple reconciled with Gloria. Happy days are here again! Now, they can all go golfing in China again and hobnob with high Chinese officials. They should bring their caddy with them, former Comelec Chairman and “fixer extraordinaire” Benjamin Abalos.

He’s good at making deals at the golf course. Remember the ZTE/NBN scandal? Well, the project didn’t go through but somebody high up pocketed a huge non-refundable commission -- or “tongpat” -- from the Chinese. But, hey, the Chinese are pretty smart, you can’t fool them a second time.
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Gloria’s “anointed” candidate, Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro put his foot in his mouth when he vowed to “put the economy in order once he is elected by working for a sustained annual growth of 8%.” Well, last year’s economic growth was 0.9% under Gloria, his mentor. Since he promised to run the government the way Gloria ran it, how could Gibo expect to increase growth to 8% annually and sustain it? Back to the drawing board, Gibo... or better, back to school.

Gibo has been winning in mock polls in university campuses. Well, the students probably thought that he was running for president of their student council. With an anemic 4% rating in recent poll surveys, perhaps Gibo should enroll in a university and run for student council president. In six years, he can try again to run for president of the country.

Meanwhile, Gibo’s cousin and presidential frontrunner Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III challenged his closest rival, Manny “Money Villarroyo” Villar, to a debate. Villarroyo accepted the challenge with one condition: “no hitting below the belt.” Huh? I don’t know if asking Villarroyo to explain the C-5 corruption scandal would constitute “hitting below the belt”? It’s not. But it sure would hit him where it hurts most: his character. But why would he care about his “character” when he has lots of moolah to buy the presidency? What Manny wants, money gets.

The other day, Gibo and another presidential wannabe, former President Joseph “Erap” Estrada attended the 25th Feast of the “Tabernacles of the Kingdom of Jesus Christ, The Name Above Every Name,” hoping that the charismatic and influential Pastor Apollo Quiboloy would endorse one of them.

A few weeks ago, Pastor Q said that during the 2004 campaign, the Almighty Father revealed Gloria to him. He said that the Divine Providence told him that Gloria was the anointed leader of the country when she was running for president in 2004. No wonder Gibo and Erap are competing for Pastor Q’s endorsement.(PerryDiaz@gmail. com)