Rendezvous at Le Cirque

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

President Benigno “P-Noy” Aquino III was walking alone on New York’s East 58th Street when he heard someone say, “Psst… psst….” “Hmmm, that must be a Pinoy calling,” he told himself. He looked around. Again, he heard, “Psst… psst…” To his surprise it was former president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo!

Gloria: Hoy, P-Noy, this is your Ate Glo!
P-Noy: Hoy, Ate Glo, what are you doing here at… [he looked up at the marquee] Le Circus?
Gloria: It’s Le Cirque Restaurant. It’s French. Come join your Kuya Mike and I for a sumptuous dinner.
P-Noy: Oh yeah, I remember it now! This was where you spent $20,000 for dinner last year during my mom’s wake, wasn’t it?
Mike: Ahhh... Yes, it was. Anyway, come join us, pare ko. This is our favorite hangout in the Big Apple. Nobody would bother us here except for a few Pinoy paparazzi.
P-Noy: Well, I can only stay here for five minutes cuz I’m heading to the United Nations to address the General Assembly. Okay lang ba?
Gloria: No problem, my friend. We’ll drive you there in our new Bentley. Can I get you some hors d’oeuvres and champagne? Hey, waiter!
Waiter: Yes, ma’am. Gloria: Bring us some Beluga caviar, pâté de foie gras, escargot, and a bottle of Dom Perignon Magnum. How’s that for starters, Mr. President?
P-Noy: Well, that’s too much. I just finished eating three hot dogs at a corner stand.
Mike: Try Le Cirque’s food. It’s delicious.
P-Noy: Well, let me think… Waiter, I’ll just have a siopao and kalamansi juice, okay?
Waiter: I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have soup pooh and Kalamazoo juice here.
Gloria: He’s right, P-Noy. This is a French restaurant. Try their food, you’d love it! This is our favorite rendezvous with our friends. We can be your barkada, you know. I’ll teach you some of the tricks I used when I was president. Oh, how I miss the glory, the power, the money, the junkets… Oh, I love them all! And I really missed… [tears in her eyes].
P-Noy: I think I’ll skip the food, Ate Glo. I’ll just have a smoke while you’re eating, if you don’t mind. Waiter, can I have an ashtray, please.
Waiter: I’m sorry sir but smoking is not allowed in this restaurant.
P-Noy: What? Look, do you know who…
The door suddenly opened and a group of Pinoy paparazzi barged in with cameras flashing.
The next day, the newspapers carried the headline: “P-Noy and Gloria rendezvous at Le Cirque.”
**
Veep Jejomar “Jojo” Binay said that he doesn’t have any problem with not being appointed acting president while P-Noy was junk… err… traveling in the U.S. P-Noy entrusted the government to his “Little President,” Executive Secretary Paquito “Jojo” Ochoa Jr., while veep Jojo would be representing P-Noy in cutting ribbons and attending funerals. Well, I just hope that the little prez would stay away from booze and beautiful women while he’s running the country.

Meanwhile, veep Jojo says he’s looking forward to moving to his new office in the Coconut Palace the by Manila Bay. Well, that’s a nice “consuelo de bobo” for not named acting prez.
***
News of the week… “BIR to go after jueteng lords for tax evasion.” Gee, if BIR couldn’t check the lifestyles of its own tax examiners, how does it expect to go after the jueteng lords?
***
Boo-boo of the week… P-Noy left his cell phone in Manila. No wonder the whole country is in chaos. And P-Noy won’t even allow veep Jojo Binay to run the country in his absence. Now everyone including the three “Jueteng Kings” wants to run the country. Hesusmariahosep! Kawawa naman ang Pinas.
***
Dyok of the week… Deputy presidential spokesperson Abigail Valte said that P-Noy gave DILG Undersecretary Rico Puno the position precisely because he is one of the ‘best and the brightest.’ ” Yup, Puno knows how to handle a hostage crisis – he hides behind the tree. And he knows how to fight the jueteng lords – if can’t beat them, he joins them.
***
“Kamaganak” in action… P-Noy’s cousin Tony Boy Cojuangco admitted going to retired Archbishop Oscar Cruz’s office. He said he just wanted to help P-Noy in his advocacy of fighting jueteng. But according to Cruz, Tony Boy tried to convince him to “go easy” on Rico Puno.
***
By the way, Tony Boy donated P100 million to P-Noy’s presidential campaign. That’s a huge “investment.” Most donors would expect a return on their investment. (PerryDiaz@gmail.com