Excerpts from the diary of a mother

G-SPAT
Grace Bandoy

My mother has gone back to her creator, and maybe reunited with my dad and her parents in the same place where they all are now. Losing my father in 2003 was life-changing but losing a mother somehow feels like an entirely different thing.

It’s not life-changing, for me it feels like the end of a life, not only hers but also a life in me, the life I shared with her. I realized that she was my better half – having a better half doesn’t only apply to husbands and wives. I was the bad half, my mom was the better half hehehehe.

She left us with nothing but memories of her goodness, generosity, strength, understanding and all the good things a mother does to her family. She also was kind-hearted to her neighbours and friends, generous to her relatives and devoted to her prayers.

She left us with a diary that, I guess, told everything about her. She even gave her diary a title, “Memories of my dreams”. We were surprised at her brilliance in writing, considering that she only went to elementary school in far, far away Kabayan, Benguet province, where we laid her ashes on top of Quisit mountain, beside the grave of her parents, Feliza and Florentino.

That final resting place of theirs overlook the snaking river that flows down to Ambuklao Dam and the endless views of vegetable gardens farmed in Kabayan. A beautiful and peaceful resting place it is...

I wish to share some of what my mom wrote in her diary. Most of it was the unconditional love a mother has for her children, the sacrifices she made to think only of us and never of herself and the strong faith she had.

I truly wish that all the children out there realize how mothers give up everything for their children... so they may all love their mothers more....and for some mothers to think less of themselves and more of their children?

From the diary of Juliet Florentino Bandoy (August 31, 1947 – March 13, 2011):
My three kids are my very special gift from the Lord, thank You for giving them to me. They are my happiness in life. I wish I could give them a good life for their future. I will keep praying for them.
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It was in October 30, 2003, when I became single again, a single mother of three grown-up kids. But they are no longer kids, they are adults na......
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Ibuhos ko na lang sa mga anak ko ang buhay ko. I don’t know when Lord will take me. I just keep on praying that Lord will give me more years to live so that I can see my children have their own families......
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I have too many projects to finish. Financial is my problem. Now that everything is expensive, I can’t buy those materials with the amount of my money.
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Especially I always get sick. Sa gamot napupunta ang pera. It was December 5, 2008, when I felt very weak. Bigla na lang akong nanghina. I’m just pretending that I’m strong. But the truth is I am very weak. Kung kaya kong itago sa mga anak ko ang nararamdaman ko, ayaw ko kasing mag alala sila sa akin. I don’t want them to have a problem dahil sa akin. I just keep on praying na sana bigyan pa ako ni Lord ng lakas at mabuhay pa hanggang magawa ko ang mga project na gusto ko. Para may maiwanan ako sa mga anak ko.
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Isa pang hiling ko kay Lord, na sana’y mag asawa na itong dalawang babaeng anak ko. I want to see them happy with their families para happy rin akong iwanan sila.

Kaya nga ang hiling ko kay Lord na please hindi pa ako mamatay, dahil kailangan pa ako ng aking mga anak. Bigyan mo pa ako Lord ng lakas, huwag mo pang ipahintulot na ako’y magkasakit, Amen.
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January 3, 2009 when I was rushed to the hospital, my second atake. It was May 20, 2003 my first atake. I stayed in the hospital three days. Thank you Lord for your blessings. Making me live again. You gave me the chance to live so I can serve you. How I’d like to serve you Lord. And do something good for my family, my neighbours.
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Little Prayer
Mama Mary please pray for us. Pray for my family. Amen. Especially for our health, for my children’s future, for our daily needs, and for our safety everywhere we are. Pray for us, my whole family, how I wish I could serve you Lord. Hope You hear my prayer every night. Please bless us and be with us. Amen.

I hope you’ll read this when I’m gone. And please don’t forget that Lord is always watching, so don’t worry my children, just keep on praying and have a strong faith in the Lord. I love you all.
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March 7, 2010 is my third stroke so I became weaker and weaker, I want to stop taking medicines, it doesn’t work for my health anymore. I’m just waiting when Lord will take me. I’m ready for this, I surrender all to God.

No matter how I force myself to be strong, pretending that I’m healthy, hide my scare, its all over I’ll just pray to God to forgive me.

Thank you Lord for all the blessings you had given me, I want your forgiveness Lord, I’m tired of being sick all the time.

Take me Lord in your hand, I’m happy to be with you. I’m ready for it. I just want to take a rest in heaven, forgive all my mistakes, all my sins I’ve done, please forgive me Lord....
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She was prepared. Have faith, be kind, love one another .... and these are what she taught.