Interview with Lt. Col. Manny Pacquiao

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

Finally, after numerous attempts, world boxing champion Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao returned my phone call for an interview. Our conversation went as follows:

Perry: Thank you, Congressman Pacquiao, for returning my call.
Pacman: Don’t thank me; thank God I did it.
Perry: Congressman… or should I say, Lt. Col., sir… you haven’t lost your sense of humor.
Pacman: Well, my friend, you see… every time I make one billion pesos, it humors me.
Perry: Well, in my case, just talking to you humors me!
Pacman: Hoy! Watch your mawt! What do you think I am? A clown?
Perry: No, no, no! Actually, you’re my hero, sir! Didn’t you know that our national hero Dr. Jose Rizal was like you, a boxer? He was also a martial artist, a fencing artist, and a great lover. And he’s a linguist, too.
Pacman: I’m better than Rizal.
Perry: How so?
Pacman: Well, I’m also a doctor with a PhD in Sports Science. But I’m better than Rizal cuz I received my doctor’s degree with “honors.”
Perry: You mean, “honoris causa,” which is for the sake of honor, right?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing. Now, when it comes to boxing, Rizal was just an amateur. I have eight world titles; Rizal didn’t have any.
Perry: But Rizal was a martial artist.
Pacman: That’s nothing! He’s only a martial artist; I’m a marital expert. Ask my wife, Jinkee. We have four kids and seven more to go. Hehehe…
Perry: Gee! You amaze me, sir! But how about fencing? Rizal was very good at fencing.
Pacman: Hoy! When it comes to fencing, Rizal can’t beat my record. I have installed a fence around my 500-hectare property all by myself. Did he do something like that?
Perry: I guess you’re right…
Pacman: And don’t forget, I’m also a congressman! And one more thing, I am a Lieutenant Colonel of the Armed Forces of the Philippines! And I can sing, “My Way,” better than Sinatra!
Perry: Wow! You definitely are much better than Rizal. But one thing that Rizal was and you’re not is that he’s a linguist.
Pacman: Huh? Ling… what?
Perry: I said, linguist.
Pacman: Lingo? Hoy, I’m better than Rizal. I go to church not only on Lingo but also on Lunes, Martes, Miyerkoles, Huwebes, Viernes, and Sabado. I go to church every day of the week, not just on Lingo, amigo!
Perry: And I suppose you pray the rosary every day, too.
Pacman: Huh? How did you know about Rosario? Who told you that?
Perry: Rosario? Hahaha…. Ikaw, ha! Pilyo ka pala.
Pacman: Hoy! This is confessional information, okay?
Perry: Confessional? You lost me there, sir. What do you mean?
Pacman: Well, it’s like when you confess to a priest, the priest can’t tell it to anybody.
Perry: Oh, you mean, confidential?
Pacman: That’s it! Same thing, same thing!
Perry: Okay, I’ll keep it confessional then. I’m getting to know you a lot better, Congressman Dr. Pacquiao. Hehehe…
Pacman: Don’t forget my new title, Lt. Col., okay?
Perry: Oh, yeah! Congressman Lt. Col. Dr. Pacquiao it is then, sir.
Pacman: Thank you. I just want to settle the record long.
Perry: You mean, “set the record straight,” right?
Pacman: Same thing, same thing.
Perry: By the way, lest I forget, there is one thing that Rizal was very good at -- he’s a good shooter. He knows how to shoot! I understand that you don’t know how to shoot.
Pacman: How do you know I’m not a good shooter? I wouldn’t be promoted to Lt. Col. if I weren’t a good shooter. I’m the best shooter that’s why I was promoted from Master Sergeant to Lt. Col.!
Perry: And without firing a gun, ha? Can you prove that you’re the best shooter?
Pacman: Of course, I can. Just ask Rosario!
Perry: Ay naku! Maloloko ako! Good-bye, Congressman Lt. Col. Dr. Pacquiao. Don’t pray too much, okay?
Pacman: Eat your heart out, Perry. Good-bye. Hehehe….
(PerryDiaz@gmail.com)