Balitang Kutsero: Sarah and Barack

PERRYSCOPE
Perry Diaz

Finally, ex-lame-duck- governor Sarah Palin saw President Barack Obama in person -- from her home in Alaska -- when Obama was visiting in Russia. They were so near each other that Obama gave her the Hawaiian thumb-and-pinky “hang loose” hand sign. Well, Sarah didn’t know what it meant so she gave him the middle-finger sign. Ugh! That’s not nice.

Speculation is rife that hockey mom Sarah is going to run for prez in 2012. Should she run, she needs an “attack dog” for her running mate who could do a better job than when she was John McCain’s “attack dog” last year. Well, pit bull Russ Limbaugh would certainly be a shoo-in. But what if she’s elected and two years she’d quit again? President Russ Limbaugh? Heaven forbid.

A friend of mine asked me: “What’s the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?” The answer: “A pit pull doesn’t quit.” That would make Sarah and Russ a perfect team -- Russ steps in when Sarah quits.

Recently, the Washington Post identified the “perfect job” for Sarah: “civil rights leader for people with intellectual disabilities.” Rumor has it that former prez George W. Bush is also applying for the job. Damn!

Back in the Philippines, it seems to me that the hottest electable position right now is the vice president. First, it was Sen. Kiko Pangilinan. Then, Ronnie Puno came in. My Manila correspondent, James Macaquecquec, reported that he heard from the grapevine that former prez Joseph “Erap” Estrada is going to run for veep, not as prexy as what has been circulating around. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Erap knows that what happened to him in 2001 could also happen to whoever would be the next prexy. And all he has to do is be friends with the Armed Forces Chief of Staff and the Chief Justice and, zingo! he’ll be prexy again.

News Item: “Vice President Noli de Castro is really running as prexy.” Well, I heard that he didn’t like the sound of it and told James, “I’ll never be a proxy for anybody! I am my own man.” Would somebody pleeez tell Noli what “prexy” means? Maybe he should just run for veep again instead of prexy. I think he’s doing a good job as veep -- cutting ribbons. Let’s keep him there.

Bad news for Noli: Recent SWS survey showed him slipping in the rankings -- from 1st to 4th place. I told you, Gloria’s “kiss of death” is a curse. Noli shouldn’t accept Gloria’s anointment as her proxy, err… prexy candidate.

Moving up to 2nd place behind front-runner Sen. Manny Villar is former prez Erap Estrada. For a non-candidate, that’s pretty good. If he continues to be a non-candidate, he might move up to 1st place on election day.

And finishing last in the SWS survey with one percent each are: Gilbert “Gibo” Teodoro, Bayani Fernando, Sen. Richard Gordon, President Gloria Arroyo, Sen. Francis Pangilinan, Eddie Villanueva, Sen. Antonio Trillanes 4th, Gov. Ed Panlilio of Pampanga and Sen. Miriam Defensor-Santiago. But Gibo is unfazed, “It’s the presidency or nothing,” he said. Well, right now, it’s nothing, pal.

Finally, Gibo joined PALAKA -- officially the Lakas-Kampi- CMD -- expecting that he’d be its standard bearer. But PALAKA issued a statement right after that it will wait for Noli’s plans before they choose its standard bearer. Hmmm… That’s like dousing Gibo with ice-cold water. Brrr… It’s all about numbers -- Noli has 19% popularity and Gibo has 1%. It’s a no-brainer, folks.

Gloria is undisturbed by her low popularity. She said, “As long as I have the people of Pampanga I don’t need to be popular.” Looks like the rumor that she’s going to run for Congress is true. Professor/columnist Randy David promised that he would enter the race if Gloria runs. Oh, boy! It’s going to be a battle royale between David and Gloriath!

News Item: “A former doctor of the Belo Medical Group has denied he performed butt implants on a woman who was hospitalized after contracting infections allegedly due to the implant on her.” First, it was Gloria’s leaking boob implants, then Josefina Norcio’s infected butt implants. What’s next? Why not brain implants for politicians whose egos are bigger than siliconized boobs and butts?

Finally, Pampanga Gov. Fr. Ed Panlilio declared his candidacy for president. He said, “God is calling me to run for president.” But Gloria said the same thing in 2004? The problem is: Gloria thinks that her “divine calling” is lifetime. I have a funny feeling that Marcos had the same “divine calling” when he declared martial law in 1972. It’s funny, but history has a way of repeating itself. Watch for the August moon.

News Item: “So who will be Among Ed’s first lady?” If elected president, Fr. Panlilio would be the “Most Ineligible Bachelor” in the country… unless he is defrocked by the Church. If so, could you imagine the number of women who’d love to marry Among Ed? A word of advice for Among Ed: Stay away from women with siliconized boobs or butts.

Talking about women, ex-guv Gov. Faustino Dy, Jr. said that one thing that is going against Sen. Loren Legarda running for prez is her being a woman. He also said, “the people would not like another woman to become president after Gloria.” Well, I’m not surprised at his misogynistic attitude, he lost the governorship to a woman -- Grace Padaca -- in a province called “Isabela.” That’s double whammy for Deedee Dy. Ha ha ha…

News Item: “The government of the Philippines announced a unilateral cease-fire Friday in Mindanao in an effort to end a long conflict with Islamic rebels.” Gloria thought that her generals told her: “Sis, fire.” And Gloria sent the entire Air Force or whatever is left of it: three Korean War-vintage choppers. No wonder we’ll never have peace in Mindanao, the Muslim separatists are better-armed.

Would somebody pleeez tell Uncle Sam to stop sending us junk! Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, whose grandfather was a Pinoy, admitted to having an affair with a woman who is married to one of his Senate staffers. When things got too hot for Ensign, he asked his parents to give money -- a whopping $96,0000! -- to his mistress. It sounds like a bribe for her to shut her mouth. Well, she did. But her husband blew the whistle. Poor John, he should have split the “bribe” money between his mistress and her husband. Never underestimate a henpecked husband.