The difference between love and lust

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Jun Malazo

The highlight of the month of February is Valentine’s Day.  Stores and malls are decorated in such a way to remind people to get someone they love a special gift or to plan a special occasion.  Television stations air reruns of old love-story movies while advertisers take advantage of love-crazed people, bombarding their minds with commercials.

We live in a world that is hungry for love.  Love is a God-given emotion.  Our need to love and to be loved has been placed in the very fibre of our being by God Himself.  Unfortunately, because of the influence of popular cultural trends, many have a wrong view of what love really is.  In their endeavor to find love they end up with dissatisfaction and disappointment.

Media and celebrity lifestyle also does not help.  Often our society idolizes the lives of celebrities which portray an even more distorted and unrealistic view of love.  In turn, the line between love and lust often gets distorted.  God created love and it is meant to be beautiful, but just like anything God creates, Satan corrupts and distorts it.  In this article we will see the difference between love and lust.

First of all, we need to understand that God is the author of love.  1 John 4:8 says, “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love."  Not only did God create love, He also gave a model to know what love truly is.  Notice the following passage of Scripture:

"Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7, KJV)

The word love appears in different forms in the original language of the Bible.  Three that are often used are eros, phileo, and agape.  The word eros is love of the body.  This is the word we get the English form of erotica which is a lustful type of attraction.  The word phileo speaks of a brotherly love.  Lastly, the word agape speaks of God’s love which is the highest form of love.  It is an unselfish and unconditional type of love.

It is this highest form of love that the Apostle Paul used when he wrote about charity in the above verses.  Notice several descriptions of what charity love looks like.  Paul says that it is unselfish and unconditional. He adds that it is kind, meaning that it is gentle.  This type of love does not seek its own agenda and does not seek to elevate itself.  Lastly, this kind of love is enduring, meaning that it will stand the test of time.

This type of love is the polar opposite of the the type of love that our world exemplifies.  While the world may call it love, we can refer to it as lust because it seeks to gratify self.  We live in a world that teaches young people to gratify their selfish desires.  When I was in high school, the motto was “If it feels good, just do it,” or “Why not do it, everybody else is!”  I believe the same is still practiced today.  This gives us a false view of what love is because it only leads to shame and dissatisfaction.

The following is an excerpt from a book entitled, “Just Friends” coauthored by Cary Schmidt and Mike Ray. The list gives us a brief picture of the difference between love and lust.

Lust is physical while love is spiritual.  Lust is fed by touching, but love is fed by selflessness.  Love is better—it majors on the spiritual side of a relationship. 

Lust is temporal while love is eternal.  Amnon in 2 Samuel 12 said, he “loved” his half-sister, Tamar.  Notice in verse 14 and 15: “Howbeit he would not hearken unto her voice: but, being stronger than she, forced her, and lay with her.  Then Amnon hated her exceedingly; so that the hatred wherewith he hated her was greater than the love wherewith he had loved her.  And Amnon said unto to her, Arise, be gone.” Amnon said he loved Tamar, but he did not.  It was lust which soon became hatred.  Likewise, Samson’s immoral relationships were temporal—lust not love.  Love is better—it lasts forever.

Lust is selfish while love cares for others.  Lust is pure selfishness. It’s a man’s effort to please himself.  Lust cares not how the other person feels.  Lust only wants to fulfill its natural desires.  Love is better—it cares for others.

Lust brings guilt while love protects a clear conscience.  After lust there is always shame and remorse because of the sin.  Love is better—it brings no guilt.

Lust says “hurry up” while love says “wait on God.”  Lust happens quickly, but real love takes time to grow.  When Jacob worked for fourteen years to marry Rachel, the Scripture says in Genesis 29:20, “…and they seemed unto him but a few days, for the love he had to her.”  Lust must be satisfied now.  Love is better—it helps you wait.

Lust sees no fault; love forgives fault.  Lust causes you to think another person is perfect—setting you up for disappointment.  Love is not blind; lust is.  Love does see weaknesses, but it continues to love.  Love is better—it loves you the way you are. 

Lust thrives on fantasy; love is based upon truth.  Lust idolizes and worships another based upon image that isn’t real.  Love is better—it is real. 

Lust fades over time, and love grows over time.  Lust is like a shooting star which is bright for a while and then fades away.  Have you ever felt like “the better I get to know a certain person, the less I like them”?  That is not love.  Love intensifies with time.  Infatuation and lust wears off.  Love is better—it grows.

Lust always destroys, but love builds.  Lust gradually dismantles your life—like taking a building apart one brick and one board at a time.  But love always builds your life and makes you a better person in God’s grace.  Love is better—it builds.

Schmidt adds, “Lust will take you down a selfish, temporary path of danger.  Love will cause you to always do what is spiritually best for you and the other person.” 

Perhaps one of the most striking things about the difference between love and lust is the fact that one is permanent and the other temporal.  One finds satisfaction in love while lust always makes one never to be satisfied and to want something else better. 

Love, as God ordained it, is meant to be kind, unselfish and unconditional.  This can be attained if one follows God’s direction for love.  We do not have to fall into what the world offers.  We can make the right the decision to choose love.