A father’s influence

TRUTH FOR TODAY

Jun Malazo

SAGADA, Mountain Province -- One of the greatest privileges I have in life is being called “Dad”.  The Lord has blessed my wife and me with five children between ages 1 and 16.  I vividly remember the time we found out that we were expecting our first child as though it were just yesterday. 

I remember feeling a mix of both excitement and apprehension.  I was excited because becoming a father was a fulfillment of a life-long dream. 

However, I also felt nervous and apprehensive.  I was worried that I would not measure up to the demands of this unchartered territory in my life called fatherhood. 

The first few years of parenting were like unending episodes of trial and error.  I remember the frustrations and heartaches as the reality of parenting hit me.  Throughout the early years, God gave me spiritual mentors that patiently taught me how to be a godly parent.

 They were people for whom I have the utmost respect.  I am thankful for their patience and love for me and my family.  I was comforted to know that almost all of them had made the same mistakes that I had made when they were younger. 

The key to their success was not their abilities or their background.  The keys to their success were the grace of God and the principles they learned from the Bible.  I have learned that without God’s help, I cannot be the father and leader that I need to be for my family. 

One of the greatest examples in my life is my own father.  To me he exemplified true leadership, commitment, devotion, and compassion.  He made his share of mistakes as all of humanity has, but to me he is my hero.  Everything I am today I account to my Papa’s example of Christlikeness.  Though he lives thousands of miles away in another country, his influence in me still resonates.

Every year on Father’s Day, I am always reminded of the awesome responsibility fathers have been given.  I am also reminded of the solemn fact that there are many fathers who have either not taken their roles seriously or have completely abandoned their God-given responsibilities. 

I am not just talking about providing the basic necessities of life such as food, clothing, and shelter.  I am speaking of not fulfilling our leadership roles as fathers.  The results are devastating.  I remember many years ago I stumbled upon a newspaper article that was released around the time of Father’s Day. 

According to the article, a survey was conducted in the prisons of America.  It was found that a very high percentage of those incarcerated for such serious cases as rape and murder, where men that grew up without fathers.  While not all that grow up without a father will end up in prison, the statistics are still staggering. 

Homes need leaders, and children need loving and compassionate leadership.  If this type of leadership is absent, there will surely be devastating results.  These results have generational consequences.  The absence of male leadership in the previous generation has resulted in young people today who have no sense of commitment or direction in their lives. 

What I’ve learned is there is vital importance of the role of fathers in the rearing of children.  God designed the role of a father to be a powerful influence in children’s lives. 

The God-designed structure for the family is that fathers possess the sole responsibility of leadership. This includes the instruction to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Ephesians 5:23 says, “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."  If you are a father that lives by these principles, I commend you. 

There are many external pressures in the world that undermine our role as fathers.  Today fathers face unique challenges that many of our predecessors would never have imagined.  One of these challenges is the advancement of technology but more specifically the advent of social media. 

Through the means of different social media platforms, the world can potentially have unbridled access into our homes and eventually into the minds of our children.

Maybe you are a father who did not have any type of father-like leadership while growing up.  I want to encourage you that your past does not have to dictate how you parent your children today. 

We are all responsible for our own choices.  The fact that you did not receive love and attention during the years of your upbringing, does not mean that your children should miss out on these blessings.

As fathers, we are to leave a lasting legacy that our children will hopefully carry onto the next generation.  It is not an easy task, but God can give the grace we need as we navigate through our role as fathers. 

As we approach Father’s Day 2019, I want to encourage you with some Biblical principles that I have learned throughout the years—all of which I am still trying to put into practice on a daily basis.  I do not always succeed, but by God’s grace He is helping me to be the dad that my children desperately need me to be. 

The Bible gives us an example of a father in the Old Testament.  His name is Joshua.  Notice what he says before all the tribes of Israel:

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the LORD, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."  (Joshua 24:15)

Clearly Joshua was a committed leader.  He determined that in spite of what others would do, he would remain faithful to God.  Commitment is something that our world is seriously lacking.  Marriage breakups happen far too often in our society, and far too many fathers “abandon ship” when the hard times come.  There will be plenty of challenges along the way. 

We will face many temptations to quit.  I am reminded of a quote from someone that says, “Quitters never win and winners never quit.”  Fathers, now is not the time to quit.  Now is the time to take up our baton of leadership and be committed to our families.  I am thankful for fathers like Joshua who remained committed to God and his family.  God blessed him for his commitment.

Another important Biblical truth to follow is the principle of living by example.  The Apostle Paul puts it this way:

"Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ."  (1 Corinthians 11:1)

He understood the very important principle of living by example.  As fathers, we need to lead not only by our words but also by our actions.  Actions do speak louder than words as some would put it. 

The “do as I say and not as I do” mentality only leads children to hurt and confusion.  I recall the many moments that my children observe me with watchful eyes.  They pick up every word and action in my life with keen radar-like senses.  Your children do too.  Elsewhere in the Bible the Apostle Paul says:

"In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine showing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,"  (Titus 2:7)

What kind of example are you setting before your children?  While I have not always succeeded in this area, by God’s grace I do try to exemplify a pattern of good works towards my children. 

In our endeavor to live by example, we must have consistency of character.  Children have an uncanny ability to sense whether we are real or fake.  Nothing hurts children more than inconsistency.  When our character is inconsistent, it breeds doubt and resentment from our children. 

We need to be truthful in everything that we do.   If we fail in this area, we must be humble enough to acknowledge our inconsistency and apologize for it.  While children do have sharp senses for our true character, they are also very forgiving.  Acknowledging your mistakes teaches them about humility which they will benefit them through their adolescent years and entire life.

One last important principle that I want to share with you is leadership through compassion.  Love must characterized our parenting.  The Lord Jesus Christ made such a difference during His earthly ministry because everything He did was prompted by His compassion towards others.  Notice what Jude says in the Bible: "And of some have compassion, making a difference:"  (Jude 1:22)

As fathers we must display patience because our children will make mistakes.  Hopefully through our loving correction and care they will learn to make the right decisions in life.  This is an area that I constantly have to work on. 

As a father, are you known to your children as a compassionate leader?  If not, you need to ask God for help to start afresh.  God’s grace is always sufficient, and He will not give us a command in which His grace cannot sustain us.

We need to be committed in our roles, consistent in our character, and compassionate in our leadership.  These three principles have helped me throughout the years of being a father. 

Though I have made my share of mistakes and hesitate to say that I still make them, I am thankful to the Lord for a very forgiving wife and for the patience of my children.  Next to my great desire to please God, my wife and children are my greatest motivation to live by these principles. 

In closing, I want to reiterate the importance of fathers in our society.  Your children and the next generation need you to take your role seriously.  They need your commitment, consistency, and compassion.  Start today to leave a legacy for your children.  Happy Father’s Day!

(The author Jun Malazo is a Pastor of Central Sagada Baptist Church. Malazo is from Pampanga but stayed for years in Canada and now a resident of Sagada with his family. His email: armalazo@gmail.com. --- Ed)